our time - lestappen

confessions

Emilia-Romagna GP

Charles Leclerc

Canceled.

Yes, it was for good reason, it wouldn't have been safe to race with the flooding in Imola right now.

But that means yet another week in Monaco. Maybe it's good, because I don't think Eliot is stupid enough to attack on my home turf. I also think he's cruel enough that he'll let me sit as long as possible knowing he's on my mind, and not in a good way.

Max told me his dad knew about the race cancellation and immediately told him to go see him before he could make any other plans. I'm worried that things will go to shit between those two again, especially since Max has seemed to be doing better mentally. 

He basically insisted that I fly with him to Monaco and held me for almost the whole flight. It was really sweet and I love any time I can spend with him, but I can tell he's not ready to have the conversation about what we are to each other. The issue is, I can't do this with him until we've established some expectations because I promised myself that I won't let anyone break me the way Eliot did.

He's not only not ready to have the conversation, but he's been running away from me in general. After the flight, we have been texting but we haven't seen each other a single time despite me offering numerous times to come over to his place when he said he was bored. I need to talk to him when he gets back from the Netherlands because this can't continue.

I feel like the break has been so boring. Between absolutely nothing about Eliot (who is still in the United States, oddly) and Max refusing to see me, literally nothing interesting has happened which is why I wish today I was preparing for qualifying right now rather than sitting at home watching a series.

A few minutes later, my phone starts ringing. It's Carlos.

"Hey Carlos, what's up?"

"Are you busy right now?"

"Not at all."

"I'm in Monaco as I was getting bored at home and I was wondering if I could come over to your place? I have some news for you."

"Yeah, sure, what time?"

"I can be over in 20 minutes if that's good."

"See you in a bit."

Well, shit! The house is a disaster. I mean, Carlos has seen me at my worst but this is probably one step too far. I run around the house just trying to make things look like they're neat because I absolutely do not have the time to actually make them look neat. At least it's something to do rather than just sit around and make myself feel lazy.

A few minutes later, I hear a knock on my door.

"Hey Carlos! Good to see you, man." Even though in F1, your teammate is your biggest competitor, Carlos and I have always gotten along. Even when he was with McLaren, we always had a good relationship and have had a lot of respect for each other. It's also just nice to see someone who I would call a friend, I've been alone for most of the last few days.

"Good to see you too." He seems nervous, and I start to develop an idea of what this is about especially after the conversation I had with Lando after the Miami race. We both make our way to the living room, we take seats on opposite ends of the couch.

"So... you have news?"

"Yes... it's a long story so let me finish and I'm sure you'll have questions."

I nod and encourage him to keep talking because there's clearly something he needs to get off his back.

"Lando and I started hooking up a few seasons ago. It started as a dare back when we were just friends, a mutual friend dared us to kiss at a party. We were very drunk so we just played it off as that when we ended up making out later that night but then we both confessed to each other a few days after that we actually liked it. I mean I had liked him since we became teammates back in 2019, really, but I was way too scared to tell him because I thought he was straight. Anyways, we ended up in a sex only agreement in 2020 because we enjoyed it, but didn't want to get emotions involved because we're on different teams and that could get messy. But then in Miami after the race he asked me to be his boyfriend and I told him I would want nothing more but that I didn't think I could do it because of what I just told you. And then he said that he didn't want to hook up anymore because it had gotten to be too much for him, but I know I fucked up because we would have found a way to make it work in an actual relationship. And now I just miss him so much and it's breaking my heart to know how upset he is and I just don't know what to do, and I can't really trust anyone else with this information because my Spanish friends all want the best for me but I am not in the mood to get teased endlessly nor do I want this to end up in the media. So yeah that's why I came to you because I know I can trust you."