our time - lestappen

closure

i'm gonna cry writing this chapter. i just know it. there will be tears.

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Abu Dhabi GP

Max Verstappen

One more race.

One last time prove to the world that this year was mine on track, even though everything that happened off track was... well, the opposite. While I couldn't control Eliot, Jos, even Charles, I'm genuinely grateful things happened the way they did. Not Charles almost getting killed, not me losing my father in the way it happened, but the end result wasn't so bad to be honest.

If nothing else, Eliot and Jos brought Charles and I together with such force that nothing will be able to break us. Had someone told 14 year old me that a certain Monegasque boy who annoyed the hell out of me would go on to be the love of my life, well I wouldn't have been able to fathom it. Yet here we are, hand in hand against the rest of the world.

We're exhausted. Way too much has gone on. I'm ready to be able to wake up and not have to think about Formula One. I'm ready for the days that I can wake up and pull Charles close to me and spend the day with him, however we want.

These days, I'm able to look myself in the eye and feel... content. The thoughts that I'm not enough, that I never will be enough, they don't really cross my mind anymore. And on the days that they do, he's there to hold me and remind me both in his words and his actions that I am enough, that I'm his and really, that's all I want. My Charlie, the love of my life.

There's also the relief that Adrian has been thrown in a jail cell alongside his cousin and the phone number that they were contacting Charles with has been permanently disabled. And besides, we have a whole network in place if someone related to them ever tries to get at Charles again. He's changed his private phone number regardless and only given it to very select people, his public cell number is managed by his PR representative and that's the end of it.

And, I haven't been given permission to tell him this yet, but now negotiations are already getting serious between whether they will re-sign Checo for 2025 or whether they will take Charles. Checo's performance fell off seriously at the end of this year, and they know they don't have endless time to make a decision since Mercedes has made it very clear they made a very generous offer to Charles and are intent on keeping him. I know how much they offered him for next year, and it's a very good deal for him. And they're right, they would be lucky to have him past next year, so unless Christian and Helmut act fast, they're going to lose him and then they are going to have to hear about it from me. And God knows, I won't shut up about it.

I think it will happen. I think they know that Charles and I would be an absolutely unstoppable team. And, we would know how to play a team game. He's probably the one person on the grid who I would let pass if I was given a team order and only because I'm equally happy winning or seeing him win. He's one of the only people on the grid whose maximum performance is on par or even higher than mine. Call it cocky, but I call it self confidence since that's what I struggled with for year after year.

There's also the ring that I've had with me for a few weeks now. We both know we're a forever type deal, and at this point we both crave security. So why not establish that security with each other and make things official? I have to figure out how I'm going to do it, but I dream of calling him my fiancé as soon as possible.

We had been planning to go on a double date with Carlos and Lando last night, but then we remembered that the UAE isn't exactly the most accepting of homosexuality. So we had played it low key, meeting up in the hotel restaurant and getting a meal together, Charles and Carlos fighting each other over the bill. It was quite the sight, both of them practically wrestling each other and desperately trying to tap their card to the console before the other one. Usually Lando and I are the immature ones in our respective relationships, but it was nothing short of hilarious.