I felt hot and cold at the same time because I knew exactly what she meant – she wanted to leave me and she wanted to leave me for good.
"Alam mo, pinapainit mo ang ulo ko, Green," I said in a low voice.
I felt like crying but I held myself back. Alam kong hindi ko madadaan si Gianna sa iyak. Alam ko ring hindi na gagana ang pagpapakumbaba sa kanya dahil mukhang buo na ang desisyon n'ya.
I could only think of one way to get a different reaction from her.
"Ang babaw mo..." I said.
Her eyes instantly hardened.
I lowered my gaze. I knew that it was a risky move, but I would rather face my wife's wrath than bathe in her indifference.
"Anong sabi mo? Did I hear you correctly, tinawag mo akong mababaw?" she asked.
I could feel how hard she was trying to keep her voice even.
I mentally clenched my jaw.
Ang totoo natatakot ako. Alam ko kung paano magalit si Green. And it's not even the possible physical aspect of the fight I was worried about – it was the emotional torment that I knew we would both feel after we quarrel.
"Bakit, hindi ba? Dahil lang d'un makikipaghiwalay ka na? Dahil lang hindi ako nakarating kagabi?" I scoffed. "We can have sex anytime you want, pwede naman 'yun, eh, magsabi ka lang."
I saw how she clenched her fists.
"O, naiinis ka kasi nagsasabi ako ng totoo? Masakit ba sa pride mo na ipamukha sa'yo kung anong klaseng tao ka? Hindi ba matanggap ng utak mo just how shallow you are? Yes, I was late last night pero may rason 'yun! Lahat ng sa tingin mo ay kasalanan ko sa'yo ay may rason! Hindi kasi uso sa'yo ang makinig, eh! Gan'un ka kapag galit ka, you shut everyone out! Ikaw lang ang tama, ikaw lang ang nasa rason! Ikaw lang ang nasasaktan! Grow up, Gianna!"
She remained calm but her eyes told me otherwise.
"Ano, bakit hindi nagsasalita? Bakit hindi ka makapagsalita? Bakit hindi ka sumasagot? Dahil totoo, 'di ba? Sex lang ang puno't dulo. Hindi lang kita napagbigyan kagabi gan'yan ka na! Hindi lang ako nakarating para panuorin kang suot-suot 'yung bagong nightie mo dahil may inaasikaso ako ay parang pinatay ko na 'yung isa sa pamilya mo kung umasta ka! Willing naman ako, Green, kahit pagod na pagod na ako kagabi—"
"Get the fuck out."
"Ano? Kung gusto mo ngayon na, eh. Okay ba sa'yo? Hindi ako pagod ngayon—"
"Umalis ka, putang ina ka! Get out!"
"O, bakit mo ako pinapaalis? Akala ko ba kaya ka galit ay dahil nag-expect ka kagabi? 'Eto na ako ngayon, willing ako kahit gaano pa katagal na romansa ang gusto mo."
"Romansa? You're not even good in bed! And apparently, you're not good anywhere else, too!"
Pucha naman. Sakit naman n'yan...
"Really?" I replied trying to hide my insecurities as a husband, which she flawlessly verbalized, with what I hoped was a sarcastic smile. "Pero galit ka dahil hindi kita nalambing kagabi?"
She stared at me and I watched as her eyes well-up with more tears.
"Green—"
"Putang-ina ka," she murmured before she sobbed. "Sex? Sa tingin mo 'yun ang habol ko? Sa tingin mo ay 'yun ang rason kung bakit ako galit? Dahil kulang ako sa lambing at puro libog ako sa katawan?"
"Green, that's not what I meant..." I lamely mumbled.
"Kaya ba binabalewala mo 'yung mga sama ng loob ko at patuloy kang gumagawa ng mga bagay na nakakasakit sa akin dahil sa tingin mo ay libog lang ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagtatampo sa'yo?"
