I buried my nose into my wife's hair. "Sobra kitang na-miss..." I whispered.
I heard her sharp intake of breath and I realized that her shoulders were shaking.
"Green, what's wrong?" I asked as I peered into her face. "Bakit ka umiiyak?"
"Wala..." she replied in a soft voice. "I just miss you so much...kahit inis na inis na ako sa'yo, kahit ang sama-sama ng loob ko sa'yo, kahit ang sakit-sakit ng dibdib ko, bwisit na-mi-miss pa rin kita..." she added sobbing.
I threw a leg over her hip and she rolled into my embrace.
"Sorry na..." I said holding her flush against me. "Sorry na, please..."
"Gusto kitang hiwalayan, alam mo ba? Naiinis ako sa'yo. Naiinis ako kasi may isang taong binigyan ko ng karapatang saktan ako nang ganito..."
"Hindi ko naman sinasadya, eh."
"'Yun nga ang nakakaloko d'un, Red, eh, kailan mo ba sinabing sinadya mong saktan ako? It's always hindi ko sinasadya with you. Pero, kahit naman hindi mo sadya, masakit pa rin. At alam mo namang masasaktan ako, pero, parating hindi ko naman sinasadya na lang 'yang bukambibig mo."
"Tell me what I should do to make it up to you...?"
"Bigyan mo akong halaga..." she emotionally said. "Ano ba naman 'yung bigyan mo ako ng kahit kaunting importansya? Hindi ko na nga hinihingi na gawin mo akong priority, eh. Hindi ko hinihingi sa'yo na sa akin lang umikot ang mundo mo because I am willing to share you with the world, Red. Pero, iparamdam mo naman sa akin that my feelings matter, that I matter."
"You do. And you don't even have to share me with the world, pwede mo akong ipagdamot..."
To hear my wife say that she just wanted to feel that she mattered to me made me feel like a complete failure as her husband.
"Lalabs, sorry hindi ko sinasadya...sorry, kasi hindi ko napansin na napabayaan kita because I was always certain that you'd just be where I left you – na kahit anong mangyari ay maghihintay ka sa akin. Sorry because I took you granted."
I sniffed. "I am ashamed that you had to spell it out for me. Dapat naramdaman kong hindi ka na masaya. But you were right, I was selfish. Hindi kita tinanong kung okay pa ba sa'yo 'yung buhay na ibinibigay ko sa'yo..."
"Hey, are you crying?" she asked as her arms went around my neck. "Lalabs..."
"Alam kong kasalanan ko. Alam kong ako 'yung may pagkukulang. Pero, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang susunod na gagawin. Green, my life is a mess..."
"How is it a mess? You're running for honors, you're the head of one of UP Diliman's prestigious fraternities, you have the world at your feet."
"But I am failing my wife and she's the one who keeps me together. Without her I am nothing but a mess..."
"The make-up sex is going to be so hot tonight..." she commented out of nowhere.
Her words had me confused for a moment until she laughed.
"Lalabs naman, eh. You're not taking me seriously. I am being sincere here..." I protested.
"I know you are...kaya nga I can't wait for the make-up sex..." she replied laughing again before she sighed. "Ayokong umiiyak ka."
"Pinaiyak mo kaya ako n'ung nakaraan..."
"Siyempre nasa gitna tayo ng pag-aaway n'un at kahit siguro lumangoy ka pa sa sarili mong luha n'ung panahon 'yun ay wala akong pake. But when we're not arguing like this, I hate seeing you cry kahit na sobrang lakas makaganda 'yung mga luha mo."
