Engagement namin ngayon and yeah I'm really wearing a black dress. Nagluluksa ako. Sobrang nagluluksa ako pero nakangiti ako while looking in the cameras that are flashing but deep inside unti-unti akong pinapatay nito. Adrian was about to wrap his hand in my waist but....
"Try to touch me and I'm going to kill you." seryusong sabi ko.
Everyone was congratulating us but I fake everything. Umupo na din ako at iniwan ko si Adrian na nakikipag-usap sa mga guest. Tinanggal ko din ang sapatos ko kasi sobrang sakit na ng paa ko.
"Don't touch me." a familiar voice roared inside the hall kaya naman napatingin ako sa kanya. Fuck! My heart beat fast when I saw him. Two men was holding his both arm and he was tring to escape from their grip. Napatayo naman ako.
"Ulan please." he begged. Fuck! It's melting my heart. I was about to run in his direction when papa pulled me.
"Try to go and I'll make sure that I will ruin him." napatingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ko na siya kilala. His not my father.
Akibaby, let go of me na. May be were not really meant for each other. Hanapin na lang kita sa susunod na buhay.
I just watch him being pulled away by my fathers body gaurds. I want to protect him but I just can't. This sucks.
Hindi mawala sa isip ko yung nangyari kanina. Nakatingin ako sa baba. Kapag ba tinalon ko ito mamamatay ako? Pumasok naman ako sa loob at ng makita ko ang cutter sa tabi ay agad kong sinugatan ang kamay ko. I closed my eyes to feel the pain.
Sobrang sakit kaya naman yun na ang pinagtuunan ko ng pansin. Ginamot ko yun bago matulog.
Gabi-gabi nadadagdagan ang sugat ko sa malapit sa palapulsuan ko. It's helping me not to think of what's happening and ending my life. Parang may humuhukay ng tiyan ko kaya naman tumakbo ako sa CR para sumuka. Akala ko tapos na akong sumuka pero hindi sumuka ako ulit.Bumaba na din ako para kumain pero ng makita ko ang prinitong bangus ay biglang nasira ang mukha ko. It's freaking stinky pero gutom na ako. I acted cool but I just can't.
"Aalis na po ako." sabi ko at minadali kong lumabas.
Pagkadating ko sa school ay nakasalubong ko si EJ. Hinila niya ako sa palapusuan ko kaya napadaing ako sa sakit. Napansin naman niya yun kaya tinaas niya nag laylayan ng suot kong hoddie. He saw my scars.
"Hindi kaya kailangan mo ng tulong." it wasn't a question. It was a statement.
"May be yeah. Nagpa-appointment na ako." sabi ko at ngumiti.
Ramdam ko kasing may mali eh. Baka nga kailangan ko ng tulong. It's not bad to seek help when it comes to like this. And I admit that I need to ask for professional help cause I really can't take all the pain alone.
Sinamahan ako ni EJ kaya kahit papaano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Kinakabahan din ako ng magtanong na ang psychatrist. I tell her that I have sleepless night, suciedal thoughts and everything. Hindi naman daw malala but it's okay to feel this way. I went into laboratories to know if the medicine will not fit me. Bukas ko pa yun makukuha kaya bukas na din ako bibili ng gamot.
Sinamahan ulit ako ni EJ para makita ang resulta. My heart was just fine pero hindi talaga. Masakit pa rin. Kukunin ko na sana ang ibang results but...
"Can we talk ms Ferrer." sabi ng doctor kaya naman kinabahan ako. May iba kaya akong sakit? Sana naman wala.
"Ms. Ferrer as we go through the test we saw something." she said and paused. Kinabahan naman ako. "You can't take any anti-depressant." she gently said.
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Way back home
قصص المراهقينShe was used to city life where she was fun with online games. It wasn't just for fun but she lived with it. Home, computer shop, school but most of the time she was in a computer shop with her friends to play online games. That was her simple life...
