Just Pucking Money [COMPLETED]

Chapter 18 - Not friends. Enemies?

Lily

I know I shouldn't feel guilty for spending time on school stuff. But every night I'm not working, I wonder if I should be. And when I'm at work, I worry I'm neglecting my studies.

Both are equally important to me right now. I need to study to be able to build a successful career. But I need to work to eat.

On Tuesday, I have the evening off, and I'm determined to make good use of it.

After my last class, I hurry back to the apartment, already planning out the report I need to write, and determined not to think about work or money.

My heart sinks as soon as I open the door. There's the unmistakable smell of burnt baked goods in the air. Again.

I sigh to myself and wonder if there's any universe where I could ban them from trying to bake. Or somehow disconnect the oven, so they can't use it.

With a deep breath, I look into the kitchen.

It's a mess. There's flour and batter on the countertops, the floor, and even on the walls. The sink is filled with every bowl and measuring cup we own. The baking sheet has burned chunks on it. Clearly, they tried to make some form of cookies. It's impossible to tell what kind.

Behind me, laughter echoes out from Eve's room. I stand in the doorway for a long time, wondering how anyone can make a mess like this and just leave it. I guess if you grow up privileged enough, then you don't care who cleans up after you.

My dad would be mortified if I expected anyone else to take care of my mess. And even my stepmom, who has her faults, would never leave a kitchen like this.

Dropping my bag on a clean part of the floor, I slowly step in and poke at the burned chunks. They're stuck to the cookie sheet.

I rub my temples and remind myself that this is part of the rent I pay. It's worth a few hours of work every week to save money.

Footsteps approach as I sort the dishes and scrape off the batter.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about this," Fiona says in an even tone. "Breanna came over and we made cookies. You don't mind cleaning it up, right?"

Before I can think of an answer, she grabs a water and leaves.

I roll up my sleeves. It's all part of the rent. There's no point complaining. I'm here because they let me be. Fiona's uncle drafted the rent agreement I signed and had all sorts of clauses about how they could kick me out if I didn't fulfill my part of the deal.

So I get to work, hoping to get it all done quickly.

As I scrub and rinse, my mind wanders back to Saturday night and Ethan's words. It felt strange that he pointed out that whatever we have is just temporary, that he doesn't want anything serious.

But it's not a deal breaker for me. After Connor, I probably should take it easy and date around for a while. I rushed into my relationship with him without thinking, and now, after it's all over, I realize that was a huge mistake.

He wasn't worth my time and if I hadn't been so blinded by my dream of a perfect college experience, then I probably never would have gotten caught in his snare.

Ethan is different, though. I can feel it every time I'm with him. Connor never made me feel good about myself. Ethan does. So what if it's not serious?

Between my studies and work, I'm not sure I have enough time or energy for something serious.

One day, once my career is stable, I do want a family of my own. But I refuse to put myself in a situation where I'm dependent on anyone else. Or where I can't take care of those that depend on me. So until I have a good, stable job and a decent savings account, a family, or even a serious relationship, is not an option.

Casual is exactly what I need right now. Casual and slow.

I bite my lip as I scrape off the burned cookies. Casual is good. And maybe Ethan could teach me a thing or two. I know I'm bad in bed. Connor made no effort to hide that. But I think that maybe, if someone was willing to teach me, I could get better. And I really want that person to be Ethan.

As long as he doesn't freak out or immediately dump me. I've heard stories and comments about him. I know he sleeps around a lot. He's had girlfriends too, but they only seem to last a few weeks at most. But I've seen the women that throw themselves at him. They don't look like they have any doubts about their bedroom skills.

I shake off the thoughts. It's another reason to keep it casual. That way, it won't hurt so bad when he finds out and realizes he can do better.

I finish the dishes just as the girls come out of Eve's room. I glance over and Eve is smiling smugly at me. Almost as if she likes seeing me cleaning up after them.

I blink, and she's turned away. Maybe I was imagining it? I must have been. She has no reason to dislike me. At least, not that I know of.

She joins Fiona, Steph and Breanna on the couch and I continue cleaning while they turn on the TV.

"We should do this more often," Steph says.

"Oh my god, I would love that," Breanna replies. "You have no idea how boring my roommate is."

"I think we can imagine," Eve says, and my insides freeze.

"I keep telling dad that I need to live somewhere else," Breanna goes on. "I hate living in the dorms. Andy complains about every little thing and keeps trying to save my soul by criticizing every outfit I wear."

"What?" Fiona laughs.

"Oh, yes. She's always going on about how she's been born again, and I need to make sure I don't burn in hell or whatever."

"Can she do that?" Steph asks. "You should complain."

"I have. And I finally got dad to agree to let me move. Now I just have to find a place."

"If we had met you a couple of weeks earlier, we could have invited you to live here," Eve says with a loud voice, and I know the words are meant for me.

"Too bad you can't just kick people out," Fiona says.

I scrub harder at a dried stain. It doesn't matter, they can say whatever they want. As long as I do my part and pay my rent on time, they can't do anything. I have a place to live that I can afford. That's all that matters. They can't kick me out without a reason, and I'm not going to give them one.

Eve's voice cut through my thoughts.

"Some people just don't mesh. You know what I mean? There are different types of people. Some are popular. Others are... not. And it's so sad when the not popular ones try to be something they're not. Or try to infiltrate the wrong group. People need to accept who they are. Don't you think?"

I keep my head down and scrub away. Her opinions don't matter. I'm not going to be affected by her words. But I find myself blinking more than usual.

They all look down on me because I don't share their lifestyle. I can go without expensive bags and dinners and all the frivolous things they spend their parent's money on.

But something about her words has still hit home.

Ethan is popular. And I'm not.

And what if they're right? What if we're too different and it's doomed from the start?

I take a deep breath. It's just casual. It doesn't matter that there's no long-term future for us.

I wipe away the last of the stains before I turn to the floor.

Ethan is so far out of my league in every way, it's ridiculous. And yet, he keeps asking me out. I find myself smiling. It may not be serious, but at least he wants to hang out with me.

The movie starts in the living room, and there's laughter as they keep talking through it. As I finish cleaning the kitchen and head to my room, I remind myself that they're not my friends and I shouldn't feel left out. Not when I don't even have time for friends.

But it still hurts.