Just Pucking Money [COMPLETED]

Chapter 33 - Delusions

Lily

He belongs to someone else.

The thought echoes in my head as I wake up the next morning.

He belongs to someone else, and he didn't even tell me. He must have known for a while. That's why he wanted to keep it casual. At least he was good enough to warn me. If only I had listened.

It's so surreal. The man I'm dating is going to get engaged to someone else.

I check my phone. There's a text from Ethan. He wants to meet up and talk.

Part of me wants to stay in bed and ignore it all. Only, it's not my bed for much longer. I spot a box half-filled with my things. Why is everything falling apart at once?

He told me it was temporary. It's not his fault I got too attached. It just hurt to know how little I meant to him. But it's ok. I can control my emotions.

After a few false starts, I finally manage to write him a text asking if he'll meet me at Dirty after my last class.

I lie in bed as long as I can before I have to get up and go to class. Who the fuck even does arranged marriages nowadays? And did he say something about billions of dollars? Does she have a say in this? Does he? I have so many questions.

After an enormous effort to focus on my classes, I show up at Dirty with the beginning of a headache. Ethan instantly pops up from his seat when he sees me.

"Sit, I'll get you a coffee."

I don't know what to say, so I sit and take a few moments to try to gather my thoughts. I fail.

"Here," he says and puts a big mug in front of me. "They don't have cheesecake, but I got you a muffin. It's blueberry."

He puts a muffin next to the coffee and I stare at it. I only ate a cereal bar for lunch and a jam sandwich for breakfast. I ran out of peanut butter.

"Let me talk first," he says and puts his hands on the table. I have the distinct feeling that he wanted to reach out and touch me, but stopped himself at the last second.

"Ok," I say and pick at the muffin. I'm hungry.

"First of all, I was going to tell you. I wanted to, but also, I didn't want to think about it. Telling you would have made it all too real, and I needed to get used to it myself first."

I nod. I can kind of understand that.

"I've known for a while that my parents expected this from me. But it was always presented as something that would happen after graduation, maybe not even right after. So I stupidly thought that there was no rush, that I didn't have to think about it. Our deal was that I get to live my life until graduation, and after that I settle down and work for the company."

"Why did you agree to it?" That's the question that haunts me the most.

He swallows, and I take a sip of coffee.

"I don't know. It's just always been my future. It's a family business and if I'm to inherit it, I need to have a support system. And it makes sense to form connections with powerful business partners."

He shrugs, and I'm not sure I'm happy with that answer, but I'm also not sure if he knows why he's doing it. I suppose all that matters is that he is doing it.

My thoughts are all over the place and I take my time, trying to make some sense of this.

"Please say something." He sounds worried.

"I'm not a cheater." That's the part that hurts the most, the thought that if he hadn't told me, if he didn't call this off in time, then I would have been a cheater. "That's not something I can do. If you have any sort of relationship with this woman, then you need to tell me now."

"No, absolutely not. I know her as a family friend, but I don't have her phone number. I sometimes see posts on socials, but I don't interact with them. If it makes you feel any better, I think she has a boyfriend."

I nod. That kind of does make me feel a bit more at ease.

He takes out his phone and unlocks it. Then he hands it over.

I stare at it.

"Look through my messages. Check all of my apps. Everything you can think of. I'll give you access to everything. Anything that might ease your mind."

His eyes are pleading, and I know he's serious. I know I could ask for his credit card statements and he'd hand them right over.

Because for some reason, he... cares? For some reason, he thinks I'm important enough? Doesn't want me to think badly of him? I don't know what's going on in his head.

I look at the phone again. Then I shake my head. "I trust you."

His shoulders slump an inch. Then he tenses again. "Do you want to break up?"

I have two options. I could leave him now and start mending my heart. Or I could spend a few months pretending.

It's easy to see what the better option is. No matter how delusional I am, I can't imagine a world where it would hurt less to break up with him a few months from now. The best thing would be to end it now and forget all about him.

Then why is that impossible?

Maybe because I need something happy, something that's a dream. And I can pretend. I can spend this time in a fantasy and leave it with more happy memories. And I can fill up on looks and touches. I can bank all the kisses and orgasms and let them sustain me afterward.

If my life is going to be without Ethan, don't I owe it to myself to get as much of him as possible before that inevitability?

I chew on my lip.

"The moment she contacts you, it's over," I say. "Or you contact her." I look him dead in the eyes. "I will not be a sidepiece."

After I broke up with Connor. I thought a lot about how he treated me, and how he treated other women, and this is something that I know without a shadow of a doubt I cannot tolerate.

He nods. But he looks sad. "I'd never view you as a sidepiece."

I give him a sad smile. I want to tell him that he already does. But I don't. I should have more self-respect. I should leave. But leaving is too hard. Much too hard.

"We can have some fun for a couple of months." I smile and it awakens a smile in him as well.

"Really? Because I've really been enjoying our fun." He wiggles an eyebrow and I push away all the reservations I have about this relationship.

"Me too," I say and look around to make sure nobody is overhearing us.

He reaches out a hand and his fingertips gently brush the back of my hand.

"What are you doing now?"

"Now, I have to get to work." I check my phone. I still have time to get there.

"You work too much." He wrinkles his nose.

I shrug and pop the last of the muffin into my mouth.

"When do you get off?"

"Late."

"Can I pick you up after? We could grab a quick bite and then head over to my place?"

"I get off at ten."

"Perfect time for dinner," he smiles.

So I nod. "Yeah, that sounds great."

***The entire story is available on reamstories.com/sofiamkay. Thank you for reading!***