2nd December 2023🥀
“We'll fly to the highest heights!”
Students of Vestalia high sing the school song, in the dimly lit hall. We're all a blur of navy blue blazers, grey trousers and skirts with white socks.
From grade eight to twelve, teachers and the principal, we've gathered together and the school song is sung with exaggerated passion and ordered monotony.
The grade twelves sit on seats above the auditorium, looking down on everything. I sing the school song like I've done a million times for the past five years.
As I sing, head held up high, posture straight, teachers watching on the sidelines and Dominique pulling funny faces every now and then, I can't help the ringing in my ears.
The ringing in my mind that I woke up to, repetitive and true.
Today is a day of many lasts.
Waking up in the morning, the sun shone through my closed eyelids. I felt that same feeling of wanting to bury myself back to sleep, the same frustration when Mkhulu rushed me to be quick, but all of it was underlaid with an awareness that it was the last day of school.
Mkhulu's smile was soft and faltering as we ate our third round of cornflakes, with fridge cold milk.
“ I'm gonna miss this.” He said, the look in his eyes, fragile.
“Why? Are there no more cornflakes in the house?”
He shook his head, laughing. “ No. It's not that.”
A pause ensued.
“It's your last exam today. Your last day of Highschool. You've grown up. Everything happened so fast. It was only yesterday, you were just learning to walk, waddling around the kitchen so that your grandmother could feed you more custard and next year you'll be in flight school…You're not gonna need this old man anymore,” he gestured to himself. “At least not like you used to.”
Mkhulu's words shocked me. I didn't know what to say and the words I did say came up short. I would still need him, I told him.
“I know.” Mkhulu said, “ but Leonardo the more kids grow the less dependency they have on their parents. It's just life. There was a time you couldn't even brush your teeth on your own. A time when I chose all your clothes. A time when I bathed you. A time when you couldn't read all the words in the books you brought home. I know that you'll never fully leave me but I'm just gonna miss that.The dependency. That's all.”
I nodded, trying to understand his sentiments.
“If it makes you feel any better, you can brush my teeth again, even though I brushed it already.”
He laughed but it died in his throat.
When it was time to leave Mkhulu fussed over everything. Like second nature, he reached for my tie but his hands stopped short once he saw...
My tie, that had always been an entangled mess, was perfect and Mkhulu smiled, a sigh escaping his lips.
His eyes held the tie, with emotion and for a moment nothing was said until he shook off the fragile look in his eyes.
“Perfect.” He said, squeezing my shoulders.
I smiled and he held it. Even though I couldn't fully understand, I think that some part of me did understand why he would miss it, why anyone would miss the dependency.
Now, surrounded by my fellow peers, the school song reaches the high point, where a lot of voices crack and laughter is echoed out. There's a rising within my chest, overwhelming and powerful.
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