36 Questions to Fall in Love...in 36 days!

Chapter 67: Home Alone Prayers and a Divorce

5th December 2023🥀

“ I'll be home a little later than expected but don't worry,” he's cut off, laughing at something in the background. Someone speaks to him, he answers back. “ I'm okay. I'll come.”

That's the voicemail I got from Mkhulu  at 3am. I woke up, received his message, the relief settling on my chest.

I enjoy being home alone. It's comforting and freeing, the silence is incomparable . I can hear my thoughts better, I feel more at home, alone. It's when I'm home alone that I walk shirtless around the house, eat more than I should, watch an excessive amount of television and of course pray.

And it's those, home alone prayers that I feel, really reach heaven because there's no distractions, there's no Mkhulu barging in, telling me to hurry up or fix my room. It's those home alone prayers, I feel are more genuine, where I can really connect with God, connect with myself.

The walls crumble, all the lies, the pretence, everything I fake fades into this raw real image of where I am in my life.

I know that God hears my prayers all the time, even the half-hearted ones but it's only when I'm home alone, the television off, I'm on my knees, shirtless and vulnerable. It is only then that I feel that I hear my prayers.

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Mayfield park is where the sun has promised to always shine. It's late morning, the sun's glow on the grass creates a beautiful sight.

Olivia leaped into my arms when I got here, her arms encircling around me as I twirled her around, lifting her off her feet. Since then, she's been all smiles and giggles. I like this part of her, this carefree, silly side.

We're by the bench, and we've been talking for hours, she's demonstrating funny stories she has  about her time in primary school.

I share bits and pieces of mine, all of them involving Dominique because apparently my life was boring before him. I tell her this and she smiles, like she knows what I mean.

Her giddy mood is contagious, I'm laughing just as much as her, my stomach cramping and if God could pause time for me, then I'd ask for this specific moment.

“Question 32?” Olivia asks, excitement in her tone.

I read over the questions we were going to do before I got here. There's nothing exciting or beautiful or vulnerable about question thirty two, it's simply the fact that it's question thirty–two!

Olivia's face is aglow, her excitement clear. We're literally almost there, so close to the end, and maybe I don't know what all of that means for us but the fact is that there is an us...

“What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?” Olivia reads the question from her phone looking up when she's done.

A pause ensues as we think.

“Hell and rape” Olivia answers, certain.

“Both horrible, horrible things." I agree.

“I'd say God and dreams—like the pursuit of your dreams. Go after what you want, even if it seems impossible and maybe even laughable at the moment. I hate it when people laugh at or tease other people for wanting to better their lives, like their saying the person they are laughing at can never be anything more than what they are now.”

Olivia nods, she's about to say something but stops short.  Her gaze looks distant, she's looking past me not at me.

“Is that Timmy?”