Anatomy of Heart

Memories X

Angelina POV

Maybe today is that day, when Thomas doesn't return from war. Although there is a strange lingering feel of worry in the pit of my stomach, I ignore it. If the war is between Cwellan and Griffin, between the Azuras and Cruors, then it will be a deadly of a war. And whose side should I be? The house where I grew up or the home where I am actually growing up?

The place that knows me as a weakling or the place that knows me as a strong woman?

The place that let me die or the place that saved me?

I pace around the entire room as various questions come to my mind. I don't find Thomas when I need him, and now I am not even able to find answers to my questions. Like how much can a life get fucked up? And now in this fucked up life, I am thinking of choosing an enemy territory over my own house. Fuck this. I don't know what to think or do. I need to see Thomas, right now.

I hurriedly leave my room, shutting the door behind me, making my way towards the living room, abruptly stopping when I hear a strange sound. Well, its not strange, its actually the same sound I heard when I first decided to wander around in this corridor. The sound of moan and pleasure. The sound of fucking sex! Like why do people here doesn't have any privacy, do they need to do it in the living room where anybody can see?

I shake my head, as I have to find Thomas to answer my question. I will not look, because its gross. Not because I respect their privacy. They don't respect it themselves. The more I go near the living room, the more intense the sound get. I get an sudden urge to puke, but maybe I will do it letter. I close my eyes, as I step into the living room, "Sorry to dis-".

What. The. Fuck.

Why the fuck did I even thought of opening my eyes?

No. Fucking. Way.

"Fuck", Thomas hisses as he gets up from the sofa to get himself dressed. His abrupt movement brought me back to reality as I turn around to give them a privacy. I should have thought of this sooner. Previously, it was Thomas, what could have changed now? Fuck it. That feeling of dissapointment grew intense in the pit of my stomach, which I hate.

"If you are done, meet me. I have to talk to you about something important", I say and without waiting for him to even reply, I rush back to my room, closing the door and making sure to lock it. Shit. That was embarrassing and dissapointing. And the main dissapointed part was that, Thomas was actually having his time with Shirley.

So maybe the bitchy attitude of Shirley is not because she is delusional of having Thomas, but because Thomas actually fulfills her delusion when nobody is there to actually witness it. Maybe that girl from the other night was Shirley. I don't know why, but I am getting an urge to cry out loud, but I shouldn't. Because he maybe be good to me, but he is still a selfish Cruor. If he really loves Shirley, he couldn't have let me insult her.

Or maybe this fight, training, and capturing me here is everything because I insulted Shirley. When Charles attacked a Death Blow towards me, it was Jullie who screamed, it wasn't Thomas. Maybe he wanted me to die today, in the hands of Charles. And how stupid of me to even think of supporting these people here, in the time of war!

I didn't realised I was crying untill I heard a knocking on the door and touched my face. Fuck this feeling. I will ignore Thomas from tomorrow, I need to stay away from him. He takes away my rationality, which I don't want. I will just ask him the questions and let him go. No further things. Nothing. Nada!

I open the door to find Thomas standing fully clothed. I step aside to allow him to enter, without even looking at his mesmerizing eyes. I hate this feeling I am feeling now. The lack of warmth. Silence falls between the two of us, as I close the door. I want to ask him the question, but I wait for his reaction. What the fuck am I even doing?