Surviving the Aces (#Wattys2018)

Meet Clarence Petunia and Jerry

Ash was already in the car, I on the other hand was dreading leaving the house. There were still paparazzi mulling around the lawn. I wondered how Ash managed to get out.

"Okay, your Royal Ugliness, let's go around." Jace said taking my hand. He lead me the way that Bailey led me before. "When will they go away?!" I exclaimed in frustration.

Jace shrugged. "When they find a new story." We stopped in front of the door and he leaned in kissing my cheek. "Okay. Off you go."

I gave him a confused look. "Why are you so eager for me to leave with Ash?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "You are so oblivious." He remarked. "Don't worry. It's cute." He opened the door for me and pushed me out. "Love ya!" He called as I left shaking my head.

I texted Ash to come around and pick me up. He smirked at me when I got in. "They asked if I was your boyfriend." He informed me.

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"That I was your BFF of course." He replied putting the car into drive.

"You never should have went out with Gregg." He said sourly.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, it was something to learn from."

"Where to?" He asked me.

"Public park?" I suggested. "Or maybe a mall?"

He snorted. "You just want to pick out your birthday present." He accused.

I smiled. "You caught me red handed. You look rather hideous by the way." I remarked.

His hair was tousled and he wore a shirt three times too big. Instead of pants he was wearing a pair of black tights, on his feet were a pair ballet flats. His face was speckled with fat moles and he sported a gross wart.

"Thanks." He said. "Look up directions to the mall."

"Yup." I replied already taking out my phone.

We arrived at the mall ten minutes later. Ash grinned at me, I gasped. He never ceased to surprise me with his disguises. He had a whole row of gold teeth. "How did I miss that?" I asked in astonishment.

His grin widened and he took my hand. "Let's go amaze the world."

I dragged Ash to the electronics store first so that we could purchase matching cases for our phones. We took a picture in the booth then looked around as we waited for them to process at the counter.

I'd left Ash to go look at headphones when I encountered some geek. "Hello." he said smiling at me.

I inwardly laughed. "Hey," I purred. "What's your name?"

He cleared his throat. "Clarence."

I probably looked constipated from trying not to laugh, never mind the fact that I looked like a loner.

I lightly touched his arm. "I'm Petunia." I told him. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He blushed looking away. "No." He mumbled.

I grinned. "Well you do now." I said slipping his phone out of his back pocket. I took a picture of myself with him then put in a fake number. I handed it back to him trying to keep my face neutral.

Ash appeared then. "I gotta go now, it's my brothers birthday and he wants a manicure." I told Clarence.

Ash frowned at me. "See you later." I said. I pulled Ash to the counter so we could get our cases.

The girl at the counter was giving us weird looks. She handed us our cases making sure to avoid touching our skin.

"Have a nice day." She called. "And take a shower." She added under her breath.

Ash turned and smiled at her. Her eyes widened and we burst out laughing.

"So..." He said looking at me.

I snorted. "I just got a boyfriend. I guess not every guy is shallow." I concluded.

"Or maybe he's blind." Ash suggested. I swatted his arm.

"Let's go to that restaurant inside the fancy smanshy clothing store where I bought your dress." He said.

"Lead the way."

He took me to Boscovs restaurant where we were clearly not welcome. The lady was about to show us out when Ash handed her a fifty.

"Keep following my lead." Ash told me as the waiter approached us.

"Goodness Samantha." He said stretching. "You really gave me a work out in that dressing room. After this," he said lowering his voice, barely, "we'll go for round five. How about it?"

The waiter was standing above us with wide eyes. "I don't know Jerry." I said shaking my head. "I can barely walk. You saw me waddling in here." I reminded him.

He glared at me. "Well what good are you for then?"

I pouted. "I thought you loved me Jerry." I whispered. "Have you been using me this whole time?"

He laughed. "Took you long enough." He retorted. I looked up at the waiter with fake tears in my eyes. "Do you see what I have to go through?"

"I'm just here for your orde-"

"You're so inconsiderate." I cried. "Guys are such pigs!" I cried in disgust.

"Not all of them." He said defensively scrunching up his eyebrows.

"You seem nice," I remarked. "You wouldn't hurt me would you?"

He shook his head.

Can I go home with you?" I asked sweetly.

He smiled. "Well, sure we-"

I glared at him and stood. "Just as I thought." I pushed him aside. "All guys are pigs."

Ash followed me out laughing. "Man, even when you're ugly you're on high demand."

I laughed. "Okay let's get my real present then we can go eat. I'm starving."

He stopped walking. "What real present?" He asked.

"I want a motorcycle."