On Set

21

In some way I felt relieved. Couldn't love a man who loves another woman right? I could finally and fully get over him. And I thought I did, but seeing him stirred something deep inside of me. He didn't fill my mind like he used to. Heartbreak just turned into memories and now everything we were was just a memory.

"Am I going to see you at the Premiere?" Mackie asked changing the topic quickly as he walked next to me to grab some lunch.

"No, no. I always give away my tickets." I replied shaking my head. I already gave my tickets to Whitney as part of a wedding gift.

"That's a shame."

"Why?"

"Because I look good in this movie." He answered making me laugh.

"As the side-side kick maybe."

"I ain't no side-side kick. I'm the side kick. Who you think I am?!"

"Cap's number two bitch."

"I hate you. I seriously do." Mackie said, both of us were laughing.

"The next time you'll see my shinning face is Avengers Infinity War. I'll be doing a couple sets, and maybe I'll drop by." I informed him.

"That's a long time. We lost out on the divorce. Please drop by Seb and I miss you. Hopefully by then you'll get new jokes."

"Well I promise you'll be the butt of them all Mackie."

After lunch I was on the next flight to Boston. I sat in the airport waiting for my plane to board. And when I looked up to see who was tapping my shoulder I almost shit myself.

"What are you doing here?" I asked setting down my book. I sat up a little straighter untangling myself and setting my feet on the floor. I was rereading a murder mystery by my favorite author James Patterson.

"I'm headed back home."

"Mackie said you were supposed to shoot some scenes?"

"My mom, she's sick."

"I'm sorry Chris." I only met his mom once, and she was everything you would imagine her to be. She was a pleasant, funny, caring woman.

"Yeah, so they've delayed shooting a bit." His voice was tired and dripped with anxiety.

"What is she sick with?"

"Pneumonia, the doctors want to keep her over night for observation. She's had it before, so I know she'll be okay." He informed me, but I know he was really telling himself she'll be okay.

"Well I'm very sorry. She's a pretty awesome mom." I told him and a faint smile appears on his face.

"You want some?" I asked shoving some M&Ms under his nose. Chris chuckled and took some from the bag.

"Thanks Lucy."

"Chocolate has never let me down yet." And with that we go silent. What do we say? What do I say? Sorry? Sorry I broke your heart. Or hey, you got a new girlfriend good luck. Hope she makes you happy? Wish you the best?

"You wanna hear a story about my newest hire?" I quietly asked and Chris smiled as he looked down at his hands. He was happy for the change in conversation.

"So the fire alarm goes off scaring the daylight out of everyone in the office. Whitney's yelling things from The Office making everyone laugh. I'm yelling telling people to stay calm. People are running towards the elevator, and I'm yelling at them to take the stairs. It's like they've never had a fire drill before.I thought everyone was out, but I did a quick run around the office to make sure. I run into the lunch room as see Danny the new manager stand by the microwave. I asked what the hell he was doing and he told me his Mac and Cheese wasn't ready yet, and he didn't want to leave with it! I yell at him, grab the Mac and Cheese, and I ran away knowing he'll follow me. We got out of the building and see that the fire department was there. I looked for flames, and hope nothing of mine was already burning. Turns out, there was no fire. Something tripped the alarm. I was so mad. Danny was still eating his Mac and Cheese when we were clear to go back in."

"Why Mac and Cheese?" Chris asked laughing a bit. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, so I knew his mind is filled with something else. I want to ask what was on his mind but I didn't.

"I don't know, he isn't the brightest light bulb that's for sure. But he's good at his job so I can put up with it."

"You look good Lucy. You look happy." He admitted after a long deafening silence. I didn't look at him in eyes when I turned my head his way. His eyes were sad, and pouty.

"I'm trying you know? I've been talking to a therapist. I thought I had built myself a strong foundation, but I never even built one." I confessed. Chris nodded understanding me. He wanted to say something but he held back. He glanced back at me hesitating some more, but stays quiet.

I wondered if she knows him like I do? I wondered if she kisses like I did? Does she love him like I tried to? Is she giving him everything he deserves? Does she know lucky she is? Does she know he cries at romance movies? Does she know his anxieties and fears? I wondered if she knows what he's thinking by the way he looks at her? I wondered if she's filled all the holes I couldn't? Are her jokes better? Does she know that he loved me as much as I loved him?

When do we truly stop loving someone? When does the hurt stop hurting? I was so ready to move on, but at the same time I wanted to hold on. What we had was amazing, something I hadn't felt in a long time. Before we started dating he was my best friend. And I missed that. I missed doing late night dinner runs. I missed laughing at inside jokes and teasing each other. Sure, I missed kissing him because I could, but I missed laughing with him just as much. I missed hearing his late night thoughts, his work stories, his opinions. God, I even missed the silences between us that said more than words. I missed him, and it burned a hole in my heart that I wanted to fill.

"Listen Chris..." I didn't know where the sentence was going before I was cut off by the flight attendant announcing boarding was beginning.

"Bye Lucy. Take care of yourself will ya." He said ripping me from my thoughts. He patted me on the leg before getting up.

" Give me a call sometime. I think I have a project for you." I gave an awkward wave and smile and waited for my number to be called. I watched as he walked away with his head down.

I passed him on the way to my seat, and that was the last I saw him. That was the last time I saw him before I read he was engaged. I guess she did love him like I did.