The Fear Of Falling Apart // Dan Howell

Chapter 9

YOUR POV

"Moring Louise" You smile, walking out of your bedroom dressed in a white lace top, black leather jacket and black skinny jeans.

You walk over to the coffee table and pick up the stripy mug filled with tea and take a sip from it as Louise places hers down.

"Morning Hun!" She replies, "You all ready for your first real day at work?"

You shrug your shoulders and swallow the tea, placing the mug back down onto the glass coffee table.

"I don't know Louise I'm gonna see how it goes and if I can't deal with the pressure, I'll leave." You say confidently.

"Sounds like a good plan" Louise responds, "Honestly, are you looking forward to seeing Dan?"

"Despite him hurting me, yes. If I see him, the urge to hug him is going to be unreal so I'll have to contain myself." You admit.

"Aww that's cute!" Louise giggles, "I'm getting Darcy today so she'll be here ready to see you when you come back!"

Sorting out the collar of your leather jacket, you reply "Okay, see you both later then!"

Louise holds her arms out and you enter them.

"Good luck gorgeous!" She sings, letting go of you.

You nod in thanks and walk out into the hall, slipping on your black converse and grabbing your leather, gold-zipped handbag. Once you're ready, you take a deep breath and close the front door behind you. Time for some confrontation of your fear: seeing Dan.

~TIME SKIP~

"Hello Florence" You say, pulling off your leather jacket as you reach the front desk.

Florence looks up and greets you with a warm smile.

"Morning (y/n)! Glad to see you back and ready to work! You'll be working alongside the radio crew so if you find your way back to the room you were in yesterday, Kim will be there to show your what you need to do!" Florence says, picking up your lanyard and passing it to you.

"Okay thanks" You smile, placing the lanyard around your neck.

You begin walking up the hall, feeling nerves take over you. Your sweaty hand grasps hold of the cold door handle and you take a deep breath as you turn it. You remember turning the door handle and seeing Dan betray you. That hurt. But this is a brand new start. For all you know, Dan might not even be behind this door. But you have the butterfly feeling in your stomach telling you he is. You push the door open and see a blonde, middle-aged lady in black-framed glasses sitting in front of a desk. You walk up to the desk, place your handbag beneath it and take a seat next to her.

"Hello" You mumble.

The lady turns to face you and immediately smiles.

"Oh hello! You must be (y/n)! I'm Kim. Welcome to the team! I need you to help me with the running of the radio station - I'll teach you the basics!" Kim practically yells.

"Thank you - it's nice to meet you!" You smile.

Kim passes you a set of headphones and you place them on your head.

"So right now, we are preparing for the practice" Kim tells you, fiddling with a few of the buttons on her sound desk, "Dan and Phil are two of the radio hosts here and they should be here soon - they can be late sometimes!"

"I know" You say under your breath, so that she can't hear you.

You were right. Dan is going to be here any minute now and you're just going to have to keep your head down. God forbid him freaking out if he does see you - that's the last thing you need. You are incredibly nervous and although Kim is explaining how things work, none of it is being processed in your head as Dan is the only person on your mind.

"Got that so far?" Kim asks, tilting her head.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah I got it" You lie.

"Fab! It takes a while to pick up but if you forget or get stuck, let me know!" Kim smiles, swivelling back round on her chair.

That's when you hear the door creak open loudly and two familiar, loud, British voices echo around the room. You quickly duck your head and focus on the sound desk in front of you.

"Morning Kim!" Phil exclaims.

Kim turns around and faces them both, replying with "Morning my lovelies!"

"Hey Kim, so me and Phil had an idea for the show today..."

Gosh you have missed that voice. That sweet, genuine and calming voice.

"Okay, well let's go and set some bits up and we will discuss the idea a bit later" Kim smiles, standing up from her seat.

You watch Kim begin to walk out of the room, with Dan and Phil walking behind her and then she spins back around to face you.

"Are you going to be okay alone for a second or two?" Kim asks in your direction.

Without looking  up from the ground, your fringe covering your embarrassed face, you reply with "Yeah don't worry about me".

You briefly glance up to see Kim talking away to Phil about the 7 Second Challenge when you catch Dan looking over at you. Damn, don't make eye contact - he'll know! You quickly spin back around on your chair and pretend you know what you're doing by twisting a few of the buttons on the desk. You hear their footsteps leave the room and the door slam shut behind you. Finally, he's gone. That was so pressurising. Just seeing Dan's face after a whole year, makes you feel a lot happier but then again, the pain of being hurt hasn't been in your system for a while yet either and you forgot how much that kills you.

You look up through the glass pane in front of you and see Dan and Phil moving the microphones into the right position so that they reach their mouths. You begin to giggle as Dan keep complaining about being tooo tall for the job and just as he looks back at you, with a large grin plastered on his face and dimples showing, you look back down at the floor. You can't keep this up for much longer, you are going to be working with him for a while and he'll soon try to talk to you. What will do you do then?

A/N Oooh you are in the same building as Dan right now and he keeps looking your way. How do you feel about that? Are you struggling? Will he recognise you? What will happen if he does? Find out soon and don't forget to comment and vote if you are enjoying the story line so far. Buh bye for now ~ Katie