The Fear Of Falling Apart // Dan Howell

Chapter 12

After a few minutes, you wipe away the mascara stains beneath your eyes with the sleeve of your leather jacket and look at the semi-colon tattooed on you wrist, as you drop your hand to your side. That reminds you straight away that this is another chapter in your life and the other part should be learnt from and forgotten about. You try to remain calm but the anxiety of having to walk out with barely any makeup on is terrifying you. Your hand keeps edging towards the door handle but you keep pulling away from it before you even get the chance to open it.

You take a deep breath and move your hand towards it one last time, when a loud knock makes you jump and pull away again.

"(y/n)?" Dan calls through the door, "Open up - now!"

You begin to feel yourself  well up again as you entire body is weakened by the sudden shock of Dan being behind the door.

"(y/n) please open the door!" Dan cries.

Your shaking hand lingers towards the lock but you fumble at it trying to open it, making you burst into tears and place your hands on your face. You're so emotional and it's becoming difficult to contain it and you just want Dan to run in a hug you. Fortunately, he does do that.

You hear a loud thud as Dan kicks down the door and runs in, wrapping his arms tightly around you. Your tears begin seeping through the material of his shirt as you breath in his warm musk, comforting you straight away.

"Shh babe, it's okay, I'm here for you" Dan whispers closely to you ear, "I know for this past year I haven't been but that doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you. I've missed you so much and I know this is all a shock to you but I'm willing to make it work if you are!"

"I'm sorry Dan!" You sob as your hands pull on his shirt tightly.

"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for!" Dan tells you firmly.

"Yes I do" You cry, "I let you go. That was the worst thing I have ever done. I can't live without you and I want things to go back to the way things were!"

"They can though!"

"No they can't Dan! Don't you see? Things can't go back to the way they were before. I'm a mess!" You sob.

"You're my  mess!" Dan says, "I don't care about what other people might say but you are perfect to me, no matter how broken you are! Most of it's my fault and I would do anything to change that. Maybe, if we both try hard enough, things can go back to the they were."

"What if they don't though. What if we end up more broken than before?" You ask, looking up into his gorgeous, glistening, brown eyes.

"Then I will try harder" Dan says, lowering his hands to your waist, "I am not risking losing you again. I promise you that I would never do what I did you to you back in America ever again. I was so disgusted with myself and dealing with that has been so hard. Please say you'll give me another chance?"

"But Dan I-"

"Please" Dan begs, "I need you. We were acting like complete strangers in the studio earlier on but the truth is, we know each other too well."

"I know we do" You sigh.

"I'm going to make it up to you. Please, after the radio show, let me take you out somewhere." Dan insists, making you smile, "Just like old times."

"I would love that" You admit.

"Good" Dan smirks, "Now, let's get that box, and head back to the studio."

~TIME SKIP~

After a difficult time of lifting an incredibly heavy box down flights of stairs and onto the tube, you and Dan finally arrive back at studio just in time for the radio show.

"Thank you so much guys!" Kim says, rummaging through the box, "What took you guys so long?"

"Tube delays" Dan quickly responds.

"Fair enough." Kim states, "Right, let's get this show on the road!"

Dan nods and walks over to the studio door, opening it and walking through. When he reaches the desk, he looks through the window and smiles at you, making you blush a little. You look down at the sound desk and begin to take instructions from Kim.

Dan puts his headphones on and begins to talk to Phil as you start to learn the basics of certain buttons. Kim turns on the microphones and signals to Dan and Phil that it's time for the show. You watch as the camera men run to their cameras and turn them on, whilst Kim counts down on her hands.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

"BBC Radio 1 with your hosts Dan Howell and Phil Lester"

"Good afternoon, I'm Dan"

"And I'm Phil"

"And today we have an amazing line up of songs for you!" Dan announces, "So to begin the extravaganza, we have Kanye West's new song!"

"Gotta love a bit of Kanye!" Phil chuckles.

"Indeed!" Dan agrees, "But first we also have a little competition for you today!"

"Oooh competition" Phil says excitedly, "So what is in store Daniel?"

You can't help but laugh at their bad acting skills and Dan notices from the corner of his eye and looks down at the floor, grinning like crazy.

"Well, we want to know what you're most embarrassing stories are so tweet them to us using the #danandphil and we will give the winner exclusive VIP passes to our tour!"

"Wow! Get sending your embarrassing stories in guys!" Phil says, "But for now, this is Kanye West and his new song - enjoy!"

Dan selects the song on the computer and quickly turns off the mics. You could get used to watching Dan and Phil present their radio show - they are so entertaining! You are now actually enjoying your new job and being in London but you can't help but feel as if things won't be the same and something will go wrong. You hope that Dan isn't expecting anything tonight because you're stillwith Luke and even thought you'd choose Dan over Luke, you refuse to cheat on someone who cares about you.

You know what that feels like.

A/N Aww so you and Dan have (kind of) made up and he's taking you out after the radio show! What will happen? Will you open up to him? Is it simply platonic or will their be some romance? Or maybe even an argument! What do you guys think? I love reading all your comments, they make me laugh so much which makes me love this Phandom so much - we are all so alike! Thanks for voting and commenting and making my day! :) ~ Katie