Running Into You

Chapter 21

Jordyn POV

Everyone's eyes were on me after Paige walked away. I have a feeling what is on their minds. Who is going to be the first one to say something?

I walked into my class and the attention was still on me. There is no way they all saw. The word must travel that fast. I have never been a fan of attention. The thought of everyone staring at me makes me feel sick to my stomach. When I dated Derek, this happened a lot and I hated it.

My lack of admiring attention has to do with my ugly duckling stage. I was always insecure with my teeth and the way I looked. Even though my physical looks developed, and I had braces to fix my teeth doesn't mean I grew out of the insecurities. People think if you look "good" then you have no reason to feel insecure, but that is false. Looking good only goes so far in life.

I believe it is an everyday struggle that every girl goes through, even if we don't want to admit it. No one likes being talked about, especially when they don't know what people are thinking. It might look like I'm not ready to come out, but I don't think that is the problem.

At the end of the day, I don't want to hide the love I feel for Paige. It isn't fair to her. I know when she came out it was not by choice, but still. I want to have a relationship I'm not hiding. I want to be able to go to her between classes if something stresses me out. I want her to be able to come to me if she gets sad again. I don't want either of us to have to dodge the whole world because I wasn't able to come out. I tried to come out a month ago and was mad when she stopped me.

I know coming out isn't easy. I have seen videos on YouTube of people coming out. There are some good experiences and some not. I know that even if people don't want to admit it, they will look at you differently. I also know that some people won't be honest about how they truly feel. In today's time I know it's a lot "easier" to be gay than before, but there still isn't anything easy about it.

You never know how people will react. There are many people who are still old fashioned and don't want to see girls walking down the street holding hands. I'll never understand why. I heard excuses such as they think it is rubbing it in their face that openly gay people can have confidence in doing such an act.

I walk to my seat as eyes trail me. Callie walks in and she is instantly aware of all the attention I'm receiving.

Callie takes her seat by me. "Did you forget to shower?" She laughs.

"Now that you mentioned it, I think I forgot deodorant."

Callie leans over and takes a whiff. I pushed her back into her seat.

"I'm assuming they are looking at me because I was holding hands with Paige and kissed her on the cheek." People's heads turned away from me when they heard me calling them out for staring at me.

Callie huffs. "Well shit, they didn't give me this much attention when I kissed her in the cafeteria."

I give her a "friendly" glare.

Lunch is here, and no one has directly said anything to me about Paige. I know there have been comments between people, but so far no one said something to my face.

I sit down at our table and right away Claire is staring at me.

"Have you been gay all this time?" Claire questions.

Claire and I have been good friends in the past, but this year we have grown apart. The reason for our separation has to do with her comments towards Paige about her dad. The day she made the first one, I lost a lot of respect for her.

What do I tell her? What does she mean by gay this whole time?

"I have been dating Paige for four months."