Kiss Me Again

Part Nine

"Kiss Me Again"

Part Nine:

Julia's POV

There comes a time when your thoughts are all jumbled up and you don't care where you're going what's happening as long as you are just far away as possible.

This was one of those times.

I don't know where the sudden frustration came from. Sure, I had thought about the difficulties with my situation, but I always pushed those thoughts away. My mouth just kept moving and words kept coming and my anger was like a speeding motor.

Sitting here on a bus bench somewhere near the beach, gave me time to regret lashing out at anyone.

They're only trying to help me get through this horrible time.

All of this talk about, shows, school, and the movie is so overwhelming.

I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the life I was given; I'm saying I wish I could remember how to handle this.

I wish I could remember anything.

I suppose the fact that everyone is saying 'that's not you', 'you never do that', 'since when do you do this','you usually do that', and so on and so forth finally snapped my toothpick.

I'm trying the best I can to try and be me. I never knew I was this complicated. I knew I was difficult, however.

"Excuse me." I looked to my right to see a couple of girls staring at me." Aren't you Julia? Harry Styles' girlfriend?"

I nodded slowly.

The girls began shrieking and whipping out their cameras.

"Oh my God, can we take a picture with you?"

"Uh, sure." I said standing up from the bench and getting in between the girls.

Several pictures were taken. The girls asked me to sign a few things. It creeped me out about the fact they had pictures of me with them.

They thanked me far to much before screaming away.

I returned to my position on the bench.

"They adore you, y'know." Someone said beside me.

"Yeah, the singing, dancing, no makeup wearing, baggy clothes wear, sporty, and confident me." I said not bothering to turn to see who it was." What are you doing here Emily?"

"To see if you're okay." She said placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not." I said bluntly. "It's so frustrating know that people want a version of yourself that's now the version you are now."

"What are you talking about?" Emily snapped at me. "No one wants you to be anyone but yourself."

"No, everyone wants me to be who I used to be. How am I suppose to be myself when I don't know how to be or who I am!"

"You want to know why you can't figure out how to be yourself?" She didn't want for my response to continue." Because you're different! You can't be the normal you because you're not normal! You're a complex person! You don't need to figure out who you are because you are who you are!"

"There were a lot of 'you's in that monologue so I'm going to take some time to process that."

She gives me a funny look and I roll my eyes.

"I'm kidding you dork! I understand perfectly well." I said giving her a playful shove." But you understand right? I'm not overreacting to this situation?"