Terrestrial Alien ✔

Chapter 6: Still Here

That same day . . .

Seth

The light filtering through the curtains is peaceful and fuzzy, and the atmosphere of the room is comfortable. Noon's heat is finally starting to lose its edge, and even the slightest of breezes have started to pick up. Over all I can't describe the day as anything but drowsy and pleasant so far, but considering I haven't gotten out of bed yet, there's no guarantee it'll stay that way.

Sadly, it's these nice, lazy days like these that remind me I'm really alive. It may sound quite upside down, and maybe I just think too much, but for some reason these days always remind me of how everything happening to me isn't a dream, and that I really do exist on this Earth. I can't help but think about how, no matter what I do, life will continue to go on around me, and time will continue to flow. It's days like these that remind me of my choice in if I want to create a ripple in that flow.

My choice: I can go out today and do what I want, affect other people's lives as I just go about living mine, or I can choose to stay here and do nothing. I won't be affecting anyone else, and I won't be bothering humankind with my possible dangers. But... I don't want to do that.

It's selfish, I know, but I just... don't want to live my life like that. There's one thing that's keeping me from that life, or rather, one person. Because of him I want to live, I want to go out into the world and do everything I can, I want to live life to the fullest. But I can't.

But just because he's always there in the back of my mind, reminding me of the life I could have, doesn't mean I can have it yet. I'm not entitled to a slice of a perfect life like all these other humans—people—are, and I'm still trying to figure out how I can fit into their world without messing it up for them.

It's all very complicated, and I wish it wasn't so, but I don't know any way around the issue. I am the way I am, and today is just the way it is: another one of those days. I think I just think too much. 

I guess you could say I don't like these recollective days, they're always the days that spark too much thought, which in turn leads to yet another one of my existential crises. Unfortunately, or maybe actually rather fortunately, I get over these almost as quickly as they come, and my bouts of depression last only as long as the lazy days that bring them.

Even so, I can tell I'm on the verge of another sad, lonely day without any productivity on my part, but I still can't find it in myself to move. What's the point, when there's nothing for me to do anyway? It's not like I can go see him or anything, and I still even have a few more hours before I'll have get up to go get something to eat. 

But then, I do want to go see him today. It's always in the back of my mind, that tiny little longing to be with him, and I can never fully get rid of it. Rather, it likes to grow the longer I'm away from him, my human, and despite my best efforts I'm never able to fully satisfy it. You'd think over the years I'd have learned that constantly watching him without him knowing is not appropriate behavior in this society, and believe me, I've learned, but I've just learned how to get around it rather than to not do it.

I know now how it's best not to follow him for more that three days in a row, and I've learned where I can loiter around and the places where I can't. If being inconspicuous is an art, I've probably mastered it by now. But even so, on my own I'm usually pretty suspicious-looking just because of my appearance, which can't be helped, despite my best efforts! So I can't really get that close to him, and it doesn't help that I can't let him see me either. I know it's been years since we last actually spoke with each other, and I know even now he still probably won't want to see me.