Terrestrial Alien ✔

Chapter 68: The Schrodinger's Cat of Plans

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The grey cafeteria is filled with the sounds of clinking cutlery and low conversations. Joshua and Marlowe sit at their own table on the outskirts of it all, and Joshua doesn't know if Marlowe did this to spare his nerves or theirs. Either way, Joshua can still feel the eyes of other scientists, engineers, and the like prickling up the back of his neck. He fixes his own gaze firmly on the food in front of him, which he pushes around his plate with little appetite.

Scrambled eggs, dry bacon, and a biscuit. Slightly burnt coffee. Could be worse, he thinks dully.

Marlowe is sitting across from him, their back to the cafeteria entrance as though to watch the faces of their colleagues. They have a white-knuckled grip on their own mug of Irish Breakfast tea, and they're eating even less than Joshua is. They're thin-lipped and the skin around their eyes is tight as they stare into space, tensely contemplating something.

Joshua's mind wanders back to last night wistfully, and he remembers Sundo's hand in his, his lips on his cheek. Memories he's replayed over and over by now, since being pulled back into his own room. He'd probably daydream about it more if it weren't for the plan that keeps pulling him back to reality.

The more cynical part of him tells him it'll never work. The smaller, unrelentingly hopeful part of him won't dismiss it that easily. It argues that it could work, that they'd never know if they never try it. It's the Schrodinger's cat of plans.

Joshua raises his gaze to Marlowe, and the tugging debate in his head settles for a moment more. Conflicting emotions fight to the surface in its place.

Those same halves of him argue over whether or not he should trust Marlowe. He wants to, but jaded self-preservation tells him he shouldn't make himself vulnerable like that. Yet, he feels a sense of queer solidarity with Marlowe, thinking back to that first conversation in the hallway with them. When he'd confessed his relationship with Sundo, and when Marlowe had shared their nonbinary gender identity.

A stab of guilt spikes him as he considers how he'd treated them with hostility the following morning. He'd had a whole sleepless night to reconsider and ruminate over his actions from the day, and it'd been enough to convince him to have second thoughts. To doubt his budding trust in Marlowe.

Then, Marlowe's actions last night.

Joshua drops his gaze to his plate, pushing his fork up against the scrambled eggs anxiously. Not only had Marlowe helped him through a nightmare—when they didn't have to—they'd also taken him to see Sundo. Against their own previous convictions.

Joshua recalls how scathingly he'd argued with them, how obstinate he'd been. A small part of him cringes, and he swallows against a building feeling of guilt.

He looks up to Marlowe again, who is staring down at their plate, lost in thought.

Regardless of whether or not he can put his full trust in them, he can trust them enough to help him when he really needs it. And that's no small thing. He can't treat them like shit for that.

He knows what he has to do now, but it catches in his throat, and he doesn't know how to begin it. He hates apologies.

But after last night, it's well deserved.

His pride rears its ugly head, but he shoves it down and clears his throat.

"Hey..." He begins, and Marlowe startles, shaken from their rumination. They look up.

Awkwardness clutches at Joshua, but he pushes past it, searching for the right words.

"I've... Well, you..." Joshua stops, squeezing his eyes shut. He lets out a breath, gathering his words, before opening his eyes and trying again.