the rich kid and the loner [boyxboy]

chapter 10

JAY

I woke up from my own screams again.

My forehead and my back were uncomfortably sweaty and I was trying my best to catch my breath.

I looked at the clock on the wall. 6:28. Oh well I need to get up in a half hour anyway.

I get up and walk to the kitchen to make some coffee.

"Damn it" I whisper when I see the boy next to me.

I take a better look at him. His eyes are red and sleep deprived, his hair a greasy mess and the bags under his eyes evident.

I take my eyes away from him and turn away from the mirror.

When I finally reach the kitchen I take the coffee out of the shelve trying to get my energy for the day.

It happens a lot. The nightmares.

It started a couple years ago when my mom passed away. She was the only one living in this house besides me. I guess the grief in combination with the loneliness caused those oh so annoying nightmares.

She was a nice woman. Would always make you smile. She was so happy.... That's how I choose to remember her. I know that she was scared I would remember her the way she was her last few moments but I wouldn't do that. That wasn't her. That woman in the end, she was scared. My mother wasn't scared. Not when she had my brother. Not when she had me. Not when my father left her to raise two boys on her own. Not when my teachers would call, telling her what I had done that time, and not when she found out she was gonna die.

No she was never scared. So I told myself that I couldn't be either, for her sake. I've managed to live alone for the last two years. And well my brother would sometimes drop by and help out. But not so often anymore. I don't blame him though. I know it's hard for him too. And I'm proud of him. He's the smart one. He's in college now. Not sure how he managed to do that but he did. He was lucky. He went to college before mom got sick.

He tries to visit as often as possible but that doesn't really change the fact that I live alone in this house. He tries though. Every month he sends me money for the bills and food. There's no way I would be able to pay for them with that lousy paycheck I get from the movie theater I work at, alone.

But that still wouldn't be enough. Unfortunately I need my aunt's money to survive.

She was my mother's sister but they had a falling-out a really long time ago. When she died she wouldn't take me in but she does send me money once a month.

Not really sure why she doesn't want me there. I think she just doesn't wanna have anything to do with us anymore. I guess she had a new start a long time ago and didn't wanna ruin things for herself when my mother died. I don't know much about my family's history so I'm not gonna judge her. If her father acts like mine I understand why she'd rather forget and start a new start and get married and all that shit.

As long as she pays the bills, she's forgiven.

I drank the last bit of coffee emptying my cup and putting it in the sink, which was full of dirty dishes. I hadn't felt like doing the washing the day before. I made a mental note to myself to do the washing later that day and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do something with the greasy mess on top of my head that I liked to call, "hair".

When I was done with that I picked out black jeans and a grey sweater putting them on. I picked up my bag from the floor and went to the kitchen to have another glass of water. I took my keys from the counter and my coat from the living room and walked out of the house. I started my walk for school after locking the door behind me and putting my keys in my bag.

It was cold which was expected for a January. Soon it would be spring though. And after that school would be over. I would finally be able to look for a real job having my high school diploma. I don't think I could ever make it to college like my brother did. He got a scholarship. That's how he can afford it. But I'm not smart enough to get a scholarship and even if I had good enough grades to get to college I wouldn't be able to afford it. I don't mind though. Not everyone's made for college and I'm definitely not the smart one in my family.

I passed by the park looking at the swing set and letting out a sigh. It was weird and awkward and uncomfortable and complicated. And more complicated.

And I knew it was only gonna get worse when I saw him that day.

I entered the school and he immediately caught my eye, standing in front of the lockers with his stupid friends.

He noticed me too but he looked away acting like he was listening to the crap his friends were talking about. I knew that he wasn't. He had that look on his face like he was deep in thought. Almost like he was daydreaming. He probably was.

He was the stereotypical popular gay kid. He just didn't know it yet. And that's why he acted like he was straight. Trying to convince everyone including himself that he actually was. But let's be honest, who kisses a guy without being gay?

He just didn't wanna lose his friends.... I get it. It sucks being lonely.

But well maybe he just should have made friends that wouldn't leave him even if he turned out to be gay. Or if they found he deals drugs for instance...

Or maybe I should stop liking people who can't even admit they like me back. Yeah I should probably do that.

Anyway it didn't matter. What's one more heartbreak?

word count: 1057