the rich kid and the loner [boyxboy]

chapter 11

NICK

He is all I can think about.

It's driving me insane.

Ever since the look he gave me a second before he kissed me I haven't been able to get him out of my head.

I think I might actually like him. But just thinking about that brings me close to a panic attack.

What if I do like him? Where does that leave me? I'm not gay. I don't wanna be gay..... But what if I am though? Fuck, how could I possibly tell my father this? Or my friends? Or anyone? Ever?

And then I saw him look at me today. And god damnit I had butterflies.

I'm going crazy. Scratch that, I already am.

I don't wanna like him and I don't wanna be gay. And I don't wanna have to think about this. And I don't wanna sit in this classroom.

 Life sucks.

You know what, I'm not gonna torture myself with this anymore. I am not gonna think about this again. At least 'til tomorrow.

"You're thinking too hard again. You're gonna injure yourself." Ronnie was resting his head on his folded arms atop of the desk.

"Shut up" I said massaging my eyes.

He smiled and turned his head to the other side. It was first period so he wasn't the only one sleeping right now. I wished I could sleep but all those thoughts just wouldn't let me. I hadn't slept all night. I kept tossing and turning and thinking. And I still couldn't stop thinking. I needed sleep.

I think we even have a class together today. Oh shit, I forgot about that.

Shit I'm thinking about it. Okay okay I'm gonna stop. Starting now.

I'm just gonna focus on whatever that guys talking about..... Is this biology? Is that what he teaches? Huh. I never knew. But oh well there goes the bell. I'll never have to know.

I watched as students gathered their things, making their way to next class. I woke Ronnie up taking him for a walk.

The day just wouldn't end. I was tired and sleepy and just wanted to go home take a nap but I had one more class. The one I was trying most to avoid.

He was already sitting when I got there.

 I thought about ditching class but decided against it. This would have to happen at some point. Might as well get it over with.

I put my stuff on the ground taking my seat while trying to avoid eye contact.

I could feel his eyes on me though.

He probably had something to say. He always did.

That moment when you're not sure you have the freedom to talk to someone, because actually talking to them might ruin everything. Awkwardness.

"Stop staring at me" I said without looking at him.

"I'm not"

I looked at him just to prove that he was staring at me.

He did look nice that day. Oh shit, the gay thoughts started taking over.

"You look terrible" he acknowledged with a frown on his face.

"Fuck you" I told him looking away.

 "I mean it! Did you sleep at all yesterday?" He asked going on my nerves.