everlasting 一 pjm, kth

intro.

can you hold the weight of the world on your shoulders?

i was wondering because that is what i feel right now; never ending heaviness.

"heaviness" is the only way i can define this feeling. i have to carry it around even though i never wanted to. it's always over me, casting its shadow onto my life. it was hung by a thin thread, too fragile to hold something so heavy. i don't know what caused the thread to finally break, releasing the weight on me. it fell too fast, and before i could run i was pinned down. it crushed my ribs, it made it hard for me to breathe. i tried to scream, but a cry for help was no use. no one else could see it – the weight that had been slowly crushing me to death.

its not as if they would sympathize anyway. they would try to understand, but they would always fail. i've grown used to it; that's what i've come to expect.

i want to regain what i have lost. i want the lingering emptiness to go away, haunting me at my every wake. i want to breathe the sun and exhale the white roses which clog up my bloodstreams in the most beautiful of ways and prick at my veins in quiet monotony; they choke me.

maybe if i had looked ahead instead of behind me, i would see and feel bliss. true, unadulterated bliss. but then again, does true bliss exist? at one time in my life i thought it did, when i was with you. but then it all happened so quickly, and before i knew it, everyone was gone.

bliss seems unreal; until we find out, i will die everyday in search of my happiness that i lost after you broke me.

i hope one day my icy breath and crimson lungs will no longer be, and i will be one with the heavens. my soul longs to open up and finally be one with the earth, with you.

maybe one day, you will return to me.

—
vmin.
status; completed.
©rotted; 2016

here we go again.