Two Shades Of Love {4}

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                Pat wasn’t facing us. He was facing Gabe and Felix, who looked up at us. Pat turned around curiously and froze as well as he looked at us. A nervous smile rose on his face. “Hi JJ. Hi Milo,” he said shyly.

                “H-Hi Pat,” JJ muttered and cleared his throat. We closed the distance to them. I just couldn’t stop staring at Pat. He looked…different.

                He had some scruff on his face, hard to notice since his hair was blond. His hair was down to his shoulders. His eyes had a sunken, tired look about them and he looked like he had lost a lot of weight. He seemed sickly.

                But it was his eyes that changed him the most.

                The terrifying, crazy look in them wasn’t there anymore. I could still see traces of it, but it seemed to have been contained. I couldn’t tell what look was in them now.

                “How are you?” JJ asked as casually as he could. Pat shrugged. “Tired,” he said with a sigh. “I got home late last night and barely slept. But I really wanted to come to school to see you guys.” He smiled lightly at JJ and Felix.

                Gabe slung an arm around him and ruffled his hair. Pat laughed and shook Gabe off of him. “Stop it!” he said, still laughing. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m letting my mom cut my hair tonight. It got so long.”

                He smiled at us, even me. “Do you guys want to hang out afterschool?” he asked anxiously. I glanced at JJ. This was completely up to him.

                He hesitated before nodding. “Yea. Sounds great,” he said with a casual shrug. Pat’s smile widened. I was seriously shocked. This was the Pat I had met when I first moved here last year. The Pat that had kindness mixed with mischievousness in his eyes. None of the crazy shit. Just a regular 15 year old kid.

                Pat’s eyes slid over to me. “Hi Milo,” he said, going back to a slightly shy attitude. “Uh…hi Pat,” I said nervously. But he didn’t give me a cruel smirk. He didn’t glare at me. He just gave me a shy smile, barely meeting my eyes.

                So after school, we met up with Gabe, Felix, and Pat and got in Gabe’s car. “Anyone up for a smoke?” Gabe asked, holding up a pack of cigarettes. JJ grabbed one and so did Felix. Pat, shocking all of us, shook his head. “No thanks,” he said quietly and turned to look out the window. He was sitting shot gun.

                “You sure, Pat?” Gabe asked curiously and Pat nodded. Gabe shrugged and put the pack in the glove compartment. He drove us to the Cash house in silence save for some Cyberpunkers. JJ held my hand, but didn’t look at me. He looked troubled and nervous.

                We pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. Gabe led us into the house and their parents looked up at us as we got to the living room.

                “Hi kids. How was school?” Mrs. Cash asked, getting up and coming over to Pat. He smiled nervously. “It was good,” he said with a shrug. She hugged him tightly. “Good. I’m glad,” she whispered and kissed his forehead.

                “We’re going up to my room,” Gabe said. “Door open,” Mr. Cash mouthed at him when he was positive Pat wasn’t looking. Gabe nodded and paled a little.

                We all went upstairs and into Gabe’s room. Pat’s face paled a little, probably remembering that he tried to kill JJ in here almost a year ago.

                “So what do you guys want to do?” Gabe asked, sitting on his bed. Felix sat next to him. JJ sat in Gabe’s chair and I sat on JJ’s lap. Pat stood awkwardly.

                Gabe glanced at him. “Pat, come sit,” he said with a frown, patting the spot next to him. Pat hesitated before going and sitting next to his brother. Gabe smiled reassuringly at him. JJ wrapped his arms around me and I glanced at him. He was eyeing Pat carefully.

                “He needs us to reassure him that we forgive him,” JJ mumbled in my ear, so silent that I barely even heard him. He kissed my cheek and I nodded slightly.  

                “So you guys are still together?” Pat asked. I tensed a little and nodded. But his looks wasn’t threatening or vicious at all. It was openly innocent and curious. That crazy look didn’t flash in his eyes. There was no jealousy in his face. It was just a question.

                JJ rested his head on my shoulder and nodded. “Yea,” he said and turned to kiss my cheek again. “Still together and doing great.” He smiled softly at me and I returned it.

                Pat’s lips twitched into a slight smile. “Cool. I hope you keep doing great,” he said, quietly but honestly. Still, I couldn’t get past those slight traces of just how crazy he truly was. They were still in his eyes. Contained, but there. But maybe he was really getting better. Maybe he was really fighting it. And maybe he would really win.

                Then again, maybe not. Maybe it was all just an act. I still couldn’t make out just what the current dominating look in his eyes was, but it made me nervous. I didn’t want to trust Pat. I didn’t think anyone should trust Pat. He was mentally insane, and you just don’t heal from that.

                The song Monsters by Band of Horses popped into my head. If Pat had a theme song, that would be it. It just suited him so well.

                Pat dropped his gaze to his feet and nervously cracked his knuckles. Gabe suggested we play cards, and we played Phase 10 until JJ and I had to leave.

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