Matter

CHAPTER 14

I wake up with the sun shining through the yellowed glass on the floor where I'm lying. I arise and walk outside. There's clanging down the hallway toward the kitchen. Someone is making breakfast. I tread outside, feeling the cool of the morning across my skin as I exit the building, listening to the trees on the other side of the wall. I hear the birds caught in morning song, and peer down the road we arrived on yesterday. How dramatically my life has changed in such a short amount of time. I approach the gate and place my hands on the bars. I feel like I've been captured and thrown into a tea party hosted by C.S. Lewis's characters. Nothing makes sense.

"You aren't planning on leaving already, are you?" A voice from the side of the wall makes me jump out of my thoughts. It's Michael. He seems to have kept watch for the night and has a talent for staying out of sight.

Annoyed at the interruption, I look away from him, "No. I'm just thinking about yesterday and everything that took place. I don't think it's soaked in just yet."

His voice softens, "I remember what you said when we first saw you, that you lost your family. Are you ok?" His words pierce through my heart, and I think it stops for just a beat.

My voice cracks as the pain tries to escape and I push it back down. I take a deep breath and speak through a stiffened jaw, "No. I'm not okay. I'm dying inside. In fact, I feel like I'm already dead. I don't want to be here or anywhere on this Earth without my son. He was what kept me going, even when my life was falling apart."

Michael stands next to me and places his arm around my shoulder, "I don't know if I can do anything for you, but I'll listen. My daughter, Aliyah, went with her mother and her boyfriend. I don't know if they survived or not. I can't heal either of us, but I can understand your pain." He stands with me and looks down the winding path, "We must have been brought here by fate. I don't know yet."

"I have a hard time believing in fate." I snap quickly at the thought that someone is steering this ridiculous ship. We walk back toward the building, each of us in deep in contemplation.

Grandma's voice finds its way into my mind, "You may not know where you're going, but God does." I really don't want to be reminded about God knowing what's best for me. How can He be in control when everything in the world is unraveling so quickly? Has He found a reason to hate us now, deciding to kill off the human race in the worst way imaginable?

We walk into the lobby and Lucius meets us there, "Hey, guys. How are you this morning?" He's so bubbly this early, which annoys me, but he gets us both to smile. "I tell you what, how about you each grab a cup of coffee and meet me in my office?"

Michael and I look at each other, confused, and shrug our shoulders. We're silent as we walk to the kitchen. When we enter, we see families scattered across the room at different tables. Each group glances back at us as we maneuver through the tables to the coffee pot. The room looks like a junior high cafeteria with cliques shutting others out. It's understandable, we were all on our own yesterday and today we are in a strange building with strange people. No one knows who to trust here. Michael and I silently pour our coffee and head to Lucius' quarters.

He has taken the quarters of what would have been the senior physician at the sanatorium. It is located before the entrance to the residence halls in a large open space, positioned in the centermost part of this building on the bottom floor. The large mahogany door creaks as we open it and we find Lucius seated in a weathered, green leather chair with his feet on the large wooden desk. The office is a decent size with the desk positioned in front of a large wooden shelf still housing several outdated psychology texts and books of anatomy. He invites us to have a seat in the chairs before him. I strangely feel like I am back in grade school and seated before the principal awaiting punishment.