Matter

Chapter 24

Evan shows me how to take vitals on the couple, even as they snap at me. The first bite the man takes at my face, I jump back into Evan's arms. He laughs, holding me close before setting me back to my task. I have to learn to be less skittish.

He's firm in his rules of not letting myself be afraid. He's also unyielding that when we work with the fluids, wear two layers of latex gloves. After his instruction on the man, he allows me to take charge and retrieve Kay's vitals. He stands nearby, making sure I follow his instructions closely. I have to remind myself it's not Kay anymore. Her eyes are clouded with a thickening halo covering each iris, she screeches more than her husband does. I wish I knew his name. Under the circumstances, perhaps it's better that I don't. She snaps at my face and attempts to grab any piece of my body with her grasping hands. I count her pulse for fifteen seconds and multiply it by four, then I place the stethoscope on her arm as I take a reading of her blood pressure. It's low, but expected with her blood thickening.

Evan exclaims, "Beautiful job! You did great, Lena. You're a perfect fit for this job." He motions me to the office to show me how to document the information in the files.

He walks back into the lab with a scalpel and a petri dish. A quick moment later I hear a terrifying screech and walk in to see what has just happened. The man is snapping his jaws just inches from Evan's face and Kay is shrieking furiously. Evan turns just slightly and I see that he has cut a piece of flesh from the man's stomach and placed it in the dish. He hurries back to the lab, cutting a smaller piece from the chunk of flesh. I watch Kay closely. She seems to be trying to comfort her husband. Her screeches have lulled to light squawking as she looks at him writhing.

Confused by this display, I question his actions, "Evan, does it hurt them? Kay seems to be upset and he seems to be hurting."

He looks up from his microscope, "No, at this point theory suggests their nerve endings are dead or dying. What you are seeing is their hunger. That does affect them. They won't last near as long as most of them do out where they can find sources of food. I must get as many samples as possible while I have them available. Don't call them by name either, it will be more difficult to get done what is needed if we become too personal with our subjects." He looks back at his specimen, and I take a moment to absorb his cold instruction.

I look back at them and repeat in my head subjects, subjects, subjects. I arm myself with the will to learn, like when I was in school. I remember my biology lab where we had to dissect several animals. I had difficulty at first cutting into those animals while they were dead. Eventually it became easier. These subjects are very much alive. This isn't going to be easy.

We finish the day making sure all the restraints and locks on the doors are secure before leaving the research wing. Not a word is spoken between us as we walk to the cafeteria for dinner. Conversations that were audible when we open the door become hushed as we stroll together to the kitchen. Their eyes pierce through me, and I pick up my pace to get my food and leave.

Evan takes my hand and pulls me nearer to him, slowing my pace again. He leans into me, wrapping his arm around me and whispering into my ear, "Don't let them get to you. You haven't done anything wrong. We just got through working. I'm hungry and I'm not about to let them ruin my meal."

I nod my head and continue on to get my dinner, not making any eye contact. I take a roll, a bowl of soup, and some salad as Evan goes for the flank steak down the line. After what we did today with flesh, I don't see how he can eat that.

We sit together at a small table far away from everyone else. I daringly look around the room. The girls from this morning are glaring at me and in a singular motion, they all turn away to continue their whispered conversation.

Evan reassures me, "Keep your cool, they can't do anything to you unless you let them. Don't worry what they think, it doesn't matter." Evan continues to slice bits of meat and dip it into his gravy before eating it, "That's why I keep to myself. If I were to let my emotions get to me, I would be a wreck. Instead I am a rock." He sits back raises his arms and smiles that perfect smile.

He's right. Since I've been here, I've managed to keep my emotions down and haven't had the need to care what people think of me now. I've lost my whole world and almost my sanity. Considering where we are, I may have lost that as well.

I let the darkness push the emotions back to the pit of my empty heart. I allow the numb feeling to consume me. I don't need to fear what other people think. What Evan and I have is not love, it's not emotional. It is primal, animalistic, and brainless; a way to feel something, anything other than the void we have both fallen into.

Evan walks me to the hallway before returning to the lab for the night. "Be in the lab bright and early. I want to get new vitals for the subjects and view new tissue samples."

I smile, "I will. See you in the morning." I decide not to go to my room just yet.

I return to the garden to reminisce the moments I have spent with Evan. The moon casts a white light on the path to the fountain. A cold wind blows through the bushes, shaking them violently, and I catch aromas of the late blooms.

A wolf howls in the distance and I close my eyes, trying to let this place fade away. I try to remember life before. Dylan and I heard wolves howl when we first moved into our house. It was a new division and they had cut away a lot of trees to build it. I was so scared the first time I heard one. I thought it would surely come to our house specifically and attack us. After a few months, I came to love the sound of the howls. With the growing population in the neighborhood, eventually the howling stopped. New subdivisions were sprouting everywhere, and the territory that was once theirs faded away. I wonder if the wolves are plagued by the infected or if they are finally reclaiming what was once theirs.

The cold wind is more than I can stand and I walk back to the building. Michael is striding through the lobby when I come through the door.

His voice is short and harsh, "So I hear you're working with Evan now."

I attempt to make my answer light, "Yeah, he asked me if I would be his assistant, helping him with the reports and vitals of the subjects." I try to reassure him it's nothing.

He pierces his lips, his voice straining, "I also see how close you both are." The rims of his eyes become a deepening red.

I really don't want him to hurt like this. I plead with him, "Michael, Evan and I are not close. We just understand each other. You and I have talked about this before. Besides, you have Christine."

He wipes the moisture from his eyes. His voice cuts through me, "Yes I do, but I still consider you my friend. You and I have talked a lot about our friendship. I know enough to know that this isn't good for you. He isn't good for you. I can see in your eyes that you and Evan have more than just a working relationship. I'm not judging you. I'm your friend and I don't think this is what you need. I love you, Lena. You know that, and I love you enough to tell you the truth."

Pressure pounds in my chest, striking my breath from me with each beat of my heart. The pain of knowing how bad I've hurt him has escaped the clutches of the darkness.

I stiffen, attempting to grab the pain and throw it back into the depths, "I love you too, Michael. I appreciate your concern. I can handle this. When he and I are together, it stirs something in me that I haven't felt in a long time."

His eyes brim with the pain of knowing he wasn't the one stirring that feeling. Turning away from me he staggers away.

I softly call out to his disappearing figure, "I'm sorry, Michael. Good night." I walk away as the tears swell, stinging my eyes.