Matter

CHAPTER 21

Word of mouth continues to spread, and new faces arrive weekly at Peaceful Meadows. Individuals and groups come seeking shelter, we are now a boarding home for the lost. Now when groups go for supplies, people looking for refuge come back with them.

The winds of the seasons have changed and the cooler weather brings excitement of the nearing harvest within the community. They talk of all of the fruit and vegetables that need to be canned and preserved soon. Apparently, the colors are vibrant in the conservatory. I haven't seen the room myself. The plants I enjoy are outside, in my garden, though the cooler weather is fading the colors. Even so, the trees on the mountainside outside of the walls are bursting with color, painting the horizon with living fire.

The supply groups have also brought farm animals on the premises to sustain us. All types of animals had gotten loose since the ranchers and farmers were no longer around to corral them. A few people had the idea to coax them into the gate and fence them into the stable area. It worked wonderfully and Lucius was beside himself with excitement as he saw the cattle first come in with a couple of horses. We also have sheep, pigs, goats, and chickens. The men built extra buildings to house all of them.

The group works together well, and there's a humanity that has bloomed into something we were missing before. Families work together to help make adjustments easier for the new arrivals. Kids are in school rooms and a church service happens every Sunday and Wednesday in the chapel.

Lucius usually leads these services. Every once in a while I'll stand at the door and listen, though I won't enter the threshold. I still don't trust God after what He has put me through. I usually walk away quickly when Lucius asks the invitation at each service. His eyes always meeting mine as he begins.

I wander the halls alone most of the time. Aside from Michael, I still don't feel connected. I sit back and watch life happen around me. I don't want to engage with anyone. I don't want to get close just to have another tragedy happen and have my heart ripped from my chest again.

It's pleasant to watch everyone coming together to make this community better day after day. At times, it starts to feel a lot like I am watching an old episode of the Brady Bunch or Leave it to Beaver because it seems so surreal how everyone gets along. This would have been scoffed at before we lost the war. The sad realization is before now, everyone was content behind locked doors watching neighbors behind the curtains of seclusion. We were closed off, enjoying our connection to technology rather than attachments to humanity.

I stroll along the walls, feeling like a spirit observing life. I want to be a part of it, to live, but I have lost what I lived for. I'm still the wreck that only existed for my son and trolled on the internet in my solitude. The light that was the dawn of each new day for me burned out and I'm lost in this place, encapsulated, struggling to bud into life. The weeds of my blackened heart have blocked the sunlight. Winter has cast its cold icy hand over me and I am frozen in my pain.

I look out the lobby door window. Michael sits on the wall watching the perimeter. The security team and other men have reinforced the walls to make a walkway on the top. This has made it easier for them to walk the perimeter of the buildings and watch for any possible breaches. On the south end of the property not too long ago, we had an infected come from the trees soon after the walkway was completed. The bird's eye view made it easy to eliminate him before the next group of people seeking shelter made it to the gate.

I stroll out to the wall to meet with Michael. We've not been talking much since our disagreement over Evan and I've become more of a recluse. Of course, I've found appreciation in his attempts to bring me back to feeling again on earlier occasions and I crave that now. Maybe today will be the day he breaks through, the day I let him enter my wall, and break it down.