Prison Loving

Crazy

Castiel's POV

I looked up at the beautiful sight that was Dean Winchester.
His jaw was clenched slightly so you could tell he was irritated. But I had to intent to ask him about it.

I had a feeling Dean Winchester was not the type of guy I usually liked. But damn, I'd chase after him any day.

I was frustrated with him. The way the orange jumpsuit defined his figure made fire course through my veins.
I hated the way he made me feel. And I couldn't do anything about it.

While his jumpsuit fit his figure and made him look like a model, my jumpsuit felt scratchy and baggy.

I could tell they were made from different materials because his suit just looked softer.

Strangely I've never been confident. But for some reason I just went for it. Something about this man just made me feel like I could say anything.

His green eyes sparkled as he looked at me, "You really mean that?"

I smiled, "Of course. I wouldn't lie to you Dean."

He chuckled and shook his head, "Cas, you don't want someone like me. I'm... poision. I'm involved in things you wouldn't even understand. And- I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

I rolled my eyes, "Why do you do that?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"I mean you always put yourself down for no reason. If someone compliments you, you shake it off. It's like you don't think you deserve to be saved. Like you don't deserve to have something brighten your day."

He lowered his eyes. I obviously had just revealed something he didn't wish said out into the open.

"I uh- I've had a rough life okay? You probably wouldn't understand."

I laughed satcastically, "I bet I would."

"Yeah right."

"Try me."

His jaw clenched and he continued to play with his hands, "Well, ever since I was little, I've kind of had to be my own parent. And Sammy's. Our parents were never there and when they were... it wasn't pretty.
My dad and Sam fought a lot. They never really saw eye to eye on things.

There was never anyone that would care about how I felt, or even cared enough to ask how I was.
I feel like that's why i got into crime you know? We were living mostly comfortable before we got caught. It's always been me and Sam. And I never really let anyone else in. The less people you let in the less people you'll hurt or will hurt you... so yeah I don't have many friends and I haven't been in a serious relationship like... ever. So I'm a little wary about that stuff."

I was stunned by his confession to say the least. Lord knows I didn't expect to be hauled into prison only to make friends with the guys who practically ran the place. Hell I really didn't expect to be sharing a cell with one and having him tell me his whole life story.

I felt sorry for him. Having a hard life can really mess you up. Having parents that don't really care can break your trust. After all, how could you trust anyone after your own blood betrayed you?

No wonder a seemingly good guy like Dean would turn to crime.

I put my hand on his. Mainly to comfort him but more so to get some contact.

When he was gone I sat here all alone. Just hearing the other inmates bang against their bars and whoop and holler.
It pained me to sit in silence while the world around me was Kaos. It was times like this when I wished I wasn't in prison. When I wished I hadn't of killed her.
It occurred to me that I hadn't told Dean practically anything about myself.
He's been the one doing all the sharing.
I didn't like telling my secrets. I also didn't like confessing my sins. Even God knows that.
I hated looking back on bad memories. Why dwell on something you can't change? The past is in the past... Even if it does effect the future.