Autumn - In Love With My Boss (An Office Romance)| Completed

Chapter 9 - Autumn

Outside, he lets go of me. So, this is the moment it all ends. If he didn't want to fire me before, he will now. God, I had no idea I talk in my sleep, and how on earth did Mike even hear it? He's never around. Wonderful. Now he knows that I like, that I really like my boss. And to make matters worse, drunk old blabbermouth couldn't just talk to me about it, no, he had to take it straight to the source of my apparently very vivid dreams.

That source is staring down at me now, his eyes glowing underneath the street lights. I'm so afraid of what he might say, I just want to run. Run and never return. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. I wouldn't be able to set one foot in front of the other, fear paralyzes me. I only made it down the stairs because Mr. Marlow almost literally dragged me here.

I wait for his words to crush my heart, but nothing happens. He keeps looking at me in silence, as if contemplating his next step. I can't take this.

"Well," he finally begins. His voice is very low, and I'm not sure if it is an I'm-out-of-my-mind-angry low or an I'm-being-careful low. His eyes don't reveal it either, his entire face is bland. "What was that?"

Usually, when people ask this question, they expect an answer. Mr. Marlow, though, does not. He doesn't even look at me anymore but has focused his view on the apartment building behind me. The lump in my throat is so enormous I have trouble swallowing.

Still gazing at the highrise, he presses his lips together. "I can't just leave you here with that man, but I also don't want to tell you what to do. So, you tell me if you want to stay here or come with me. I have a guest room, you can spend the night there until he has sobered up."

Suddenly, I hear Mike's slurred voice echoing through the night. "That was not a denial, Mr. Bighead."

I swiftly turn my head into the direction his voice came from and now I see what Mr. Marlow was staring at. Mike has opened the window, his upper body leaning over the sill, watching us.

"I don't know what's gotten into him. He usually isn't like that," I find myself apologizing.

"You mean, he usually doesn't cheat on you and is the nicest guy there is?" He sighs. "I know men like him. Take some advice from me. Pack your stuff and leave him. Or throw him out, but just end this. He won't change. Not for you, not for anyone. All he does is drag you down and make you miserable. Do you want that?"

Slowly, I shake my head. Of course, I don't want to be miserable. "But he is all I have."

Mr Marlow gives me a sympathetic smile. "He doesn't need to be. It's only because you make him all you have. You should find someone who truly loves you and doesn't hurt you on a daily basis."

I laugh, not the slightest bit amused. "And where does one find such a specimen?"

"You could find him anywhere," he responds, completely serious.

God, don't you see that it is you I want?

"I don't just want anyone." This slips out of my mouth, before I can even finish the thought.

"So," he pauses and eyes me inquisitively. "There is someone you have in mind?"

Damn it! What am I supposed to say? Of course I have someone in mind, and that someone is standing right in front of me?

"Autumn!" Mike's yelling rescues me. Well, at least in some way. "Get your ass back up here! Or I'll come down there and show your boss how a real man handles situations like this."

It's getting worse by the second, isn't it? I'm so desperate for a hug, for someone to tell me that everything will be all right, someone who will stop the tears I'm going to cry later when I'm all by myself locked up in the bathroom, but I'm also rational enough to know that, in this world, you barely ever get what you need. So I try to get myself together and swallow hard to keep down the first tears I can already feel forming.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Marlow. I'm sorry you had to witness this. I'd better go back inside." The look on his face can only be described as pure disbelief.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Not knowing how to respond, I ignore his question all together. "Thanks for the ride home." I force a smile.

He has given up trying to talk sense into me. "Take care of yourself."

He looks so genuinely concerned that this phrase doesn't just seem like, well, a phrase, but that he really means every word of it.

"See you Monday."

With that, he turns around and walks to his car.

"I love you," I want to shout, I want to run after him, stop him from getting into his car, I want to beg him to stay, but I don't. Instead, I watch him drive off in his shiny black Audi, leaving me behind with an incredibly painful feeling of hopelessness in my heart.

The rest of this nightmare called a weekend is a blur. When I came back into the apartment Saturday night, Mike was already passed out, and the next day he didn't remember a thing. And no, I did not tell him. It's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Sunday, I was home alone for most of the day and half of the night, spending all those hours dreading Monday. And by dread I mean dread, as in "No, please let there be a fire drill where the entire office building has to be evacuated, and please let it last all day!"

But of course, Monday comes, and of course, there is no fire drill.

"Hey Sweetie," Carla shrieks as she sees me.

"Hey Carla," I respond, confused about her over the top giddy behavior.

"Guess what?" Wow, that girl is beaming like a christmas tree.

"Um... what?"

"Your boss asked me out!" She yells in excitement.

Clank, clink, clank. It's okay, that's just my heart falling to pieces, shattering on the floor right to the red-shoed feet of my torturess.

"What?" This is all I can get over my lips.

"Yes! Can you believe it? After all these months, he finally did! We're going out tonight! He's taking me to a very fancy restaurant. I'm so excited! But what should I wear?"

"That's great," I say monotonous, without ever even considering to give her some advice on clothes.

Well, she wouldn't want it from me anyway, she is way better at this than me. Obviously. Since she won the jackpot, she got the man.

"I have to go," I mumble under my breath as I leave her and her excitement to themselves and go to the elevator.

I really, really need to be alone now. I hurt so much that I can't take anyone's presence. So, as soon as I reach that goddamn floor I rush to the ladies' room and cry it all out.