Chapter 10: Night Flight (1/2)

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"Josh," a voice whispered my name, and I whipped around

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"Josh," a voice whispered my name, and I whipped around. "Can we talk?"

This was not part of my plan at all. I was paralyzed. "Alex?"

"This is exactly what it looks like, isn't it?"

"How did you find me?"

The questions flew past each other. I saw my sister leaning on the frame of our back door. My eyes could see right through the darkness to her anguished expression. "After this morning, I tried to forget what happened. But it obviously bothered you so much. I had this feeling. I just hoped I would be wrong." She took a few steps onto the patio.

I remained firmly rooted in place. "But you weren't supposed to see this. I didn't want to do this to you. I had no choice." I knew leaving wouldn't be painless, but seeing Alex like this tore me apart. So many fears pulling me in all directions—and no easy way out.

"You have a choice. This very moment, right now, you have a choice to stay." Her voice had risen, and my concern did the same.

"Please," I said, "don't wake anyone up. I'm sorry you had to see this. I'm sorry if you don't understand." My restless tail swayed and my paws grasped at the air, trying to pull from it the words that could soften this harsh reality. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm leaving. I promise I won't be gone forever. I just have to figure some things out for myself."

Alex's glare could have split stone, but she let her voice subside. "And we're just supposed to let you go? And be all by yourself in God-knows-where?"

"I don't know what to tell you. Just, that I'm sorry, really sorry. And I'll try to keep in touch. I don't know how yet, but I'll figure it out. I just can't be around people at all—even my family—without being scared to death." My sister was angry, and I didn't want to part ways like this. Despite my efforts to make things better, they only seemed to get worse for me.

"Dammit, Josh," I flinched as she let her voice rise once more. Her hands were pressed against her forehead in distress. "I don't know what you want from me. I'm trying, but I feel so fucking helpless here."

She took the words right out of my mouth. I gave a slow nod of understanding, saying, "Helpless. Now I know I'm not the only one. I know that you did your best. You really helped me as much as you could. So, thank you." I took a couple steps back onto the lawn, starting to open my wings slightly. "Alex, please, help me one last time. Let me go. Go inside and tell nobody about this. Help Mom and Dad. And, don't hate me for this, for things I can't control."

She took a wordless step in my direction. Then another. I slung the bags over my head and turned away. One last look at my sister caught her outstretched arms, her pained expression, waves of hair streaming. She broke into a run, but I was much too quick. Two bounds across the yard—not caring that I slipped into a four-legged gait—and I was ready for takeoff. The movements felt natural to me. The dragon within was ready to own the night. My final leap was timed to the downward stroke of my wings.

"No, Josh...please!"

Whoosh. The sky-dweller bid the earth farewell, climbing higher. I said nothing, looking only to the indistinct swath of midnight sky above. Faster and faster I flapped, trying to rise up out of sight before eyes on the ground could spy me. Two eyes, I was sure, were still fixed on me, my form rising like a tendril of smoke, getting more and more faint. Then gone.

The flight stirred up emotions both old and new. A powerful impulse swept through me, and I unleashed a jet of flames into the air above me. She would still be watching—it was my parting gesture. I forged onward, northward, as the still waters of the bay spread out below me, looking as featureless as the heavens. A gradual ascent eventually brought me to a comfortable height. I aligned myself with the ragged coastline and, finished with my heavy labor, let my attention wander from wingbeats.

I had just turned my back on my family. Now, I was looking down on the earth below like one looks at a postcard of a distant place. I was apart from it all. Still, I flew on, gliding for a bit then flapping. Glide, flap, repeat. I had long before settled into an unconscious rhythm. As natural as breathing. The frigid atmosphere didn't seem to affect me, but I started to shiver and hugged my bags close to my chest. Thin tears were swept away before they could cling to me. I wished the ache in my heart could be as fleeting.

The land beneath me bristled with activity. The interstate pulsed, an artery, a meandering river of light. I was surprised by the strength of my vision. Cars were sharply defined, and I could even make out the dashed lines on the asphalt. Every major road was visible from my lofty height. Constellations strewn across the landscape like a luminous spiderweb. My only stars to guide me tonight.

My first real landmark was the airport, with runways laid out like pale sticks. The terminal glided past on my right side. Suburbs stretched endlessly with their diffuse glow. To pass the time, I started going through song lyrics in my head, seeing which ones I could remember start to finish. Eventually, as I scanned the lights below, they began to change. The fine dusting of gold powder coalesced into a sparkling mass—this was Seattle at night. Its beauty held my gaze for a long while; the majestic urban fingers reached upward as mankind conquered the sky. I wondered if I would ever see a city from the ground again. Not that this view was so bad. I flew directly over the heart of downtown, where the sudden change from bright lights to dark waters gave the illusion that part of the city had been torn away, swallowed by the black hole that was Puget Sound.

Leaving Seattle behind, I soldiered on. Back to the lyrics game again. In my head, I started singing one of my favorite Imagine Dragons songs, "Demons." "When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide—it's where my demons hide. Don't get too close. It's dark inside. It's where my demons hide—it's where my demons hide." There was an obvious reason these lyrics were on my mind. My own demons had made me abandon my family, the ones who loved me the most. So much for distraction.

As I flew, I let my imagination find shapes in the lights and coastlines below. All the while, I kept following the endless, snaking curves of Interstate 5 as it made its way up the coast. Eventually, I passed a few more landmarks, including what I believed to be the halfway point on my journey. By this time, I had been in the air for a couple hours, and my muscles were starting to ache. I scanned the dark landscape below; no cities were in sight, not even any roads, except the interstate. "A short rest can't hurt," I thought.

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