Dragon Dreams

Chapter 18: Uncontrollable Forces (2/3)

My friends were speechless—they just stared at my image with deepening confusion. "I guess it's time for a little demo," I thought. Moving my head closer to my computer, I opened my jaws and showed my teeth and tongue to the camera. To give them the full impression, I slid my chair back and brought my tail and wings into view, moving them around to demonstrate their realism. "Can a costume do this? Yeah, this is really me. I'm just going to move on and assume you will believe me by the end."

I launched into my story from the beginning, telling them about the weird dreams. I knew they had heard about them already since I remembered mentioning it when I saw them at school on my last day there. As I went on, both of my friends stared at the screen with blank, open-mouthed expressions. They said nothing—it was like something in their brains had shut down. I kept my explanation as short as possible and hoped that some of it was sinking in. "Long story short," I said, "I'm a dragon now. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't really put it more simply than that."

My only clue that they were still with me was when Roderick tilted his head slightly and said, "So..." He raised his hand and pressed his fingertips to his forehead, but no more words came. A few seconds passed. "Wait...waitwaitwait, back up," he stammered. "So...that, right there, is you? And that's why you ran away and all? No fuckin' way! It's just not possible. Right?" He looked at my sister, at my mom and dad too, hoping to get a proper explanation that made logical sense. Their tight-lipped expressions told him they had nothing to say. He sank back in his chair with a sigh.

Then, it was Scott's turn to respond. "No," he said. "No! This is crazy! That's not...that can't be Josh." He looked at me, and I could see anger in my best friend's eyes. "Where is he?" he demanded. "Where's Josh? And what are you? How'd you get his laptop?"

I couldn't speak. Scott was my best friend; I had known him for so many years. But there was no recognition. He stared at me like I was a stranger, or something even worse. With Roderick, there was a flicker of something at least. He would come around. But I could tell that Scott had made his mind up on the fact that I couldn't possibly be the friend he knew.

"Answer me!" he ordered, his voice raised and distorted over the connection.

"Hey, man, don't yell at him," Roderick said, touching him on the shoulder. "He's trying to explain—"

"What the fuck is this all about!" Scott interrupted. "Do you actually think that thing is Josh?"

"Shut the fuck up!" That last remark had crossed the line, and Alex jumped all over it before anyone else could. "He can hear what you're saying about him, you piece of shit! I don't know what he has to do to convince you, but that's my brother. Like it or not, that's who he is now. Can you imagine how scared he must be? He just wants you guys to know what happened, and he's trying to be a good friend. And you don't even want to c-consider that it's still Josh and he s-still c-cares about you?" My sister was now fully in tears. I could see her hands balled into fists.

He avoided her eyes. "I'm sorry." His voice had softened a bit. "I...this is too much to get dumped on me all at once. I just want my friend back, and that's not the same friend I knew. What am I even supposed to think? I mean, Roderick, can you believe what's going on?"

"Well, I might be going crazy," he responded. "Or I might wake up and find that this was just a dream. Until then, I just have to accept what Josh is telling me."

Scott still didn't look convinced. He spoke to me once again. "If you really are Josh, you said you ran away because you were afraid of people. Are you afraid of me? Do you trust me at all? Should I be afraid of you? I...I was friends with a person, not a...a dragon! God, I can't even believe I'm saying this." He looked away from the screen but kept talking, more to himself than to anyone. "I can't be here right now. This is too insane. I just need to go back home and try to move on. Wherever Josh is, I'm probably not going to get him back. Sorry, I just need to...like I said...move on."

He started to move out of the frame. Nobody spoke. His footsteps were clear as he walked out of the room. Alex looked at me helplessly, and Roderick stared at his hands. My parents locked eyes, trying to decide what to do but waiting for the other to make a move.

"Let him go," I snapped. "It's no use doing anything else right now."

Defeated, Alex sank into her chair, saying, "Oh, Josh. I'm so sorry. Why don't we—"

"This was a mistake," I interrupted. "I have to go." Nothing could have prepared me for this. I thought I was doing the right thing by clearing this all up with my friends. Honesty, I thought, would make things better. Needless to say, it hadn't.

My mom, who had been nearly silent until now, tried to intervene. "No, please! Stay. We can talk through this."

"Sorry, I have to go," I repeated, hoping the camera couldn't capture the tears filling my eyes. "I'm sorry." With that final apology, I ended the call. The stunned faces winked out. I slammed the laptop closed and shoved it hastily back into my backpack.

I had to get away. Throwing my backpack on the couch on my way out, I stormed from the house, not caring to deal with the battered back door as I left it open behind me. There was no way I could stand seeing any more people in my present state. The anger and disappointment were too strong, too raw. I needed time alone, and the forest would provide a proper territory for me to roam without visitors. It wasn't long after I had crossed into the wilderness before I let my emotions out. I was lost in thought, not paying much attention to where I was going, when I slipped on a patch of leaves and slid face-first down a small dirt slope. Laying there, I felt a throbbing in my shoulder, and my nose and mouth were full of dirt and pine needles.

"Goddammit, Josh!" I cursed aloud. "Can't walk for shit." I slammed a paw into the ground with the last word. It took a few loud snorts to clear my nose and mouth of debris. They quickly turned into heaving sobs. I must have looked terrible. Sprawled awkwardly and feeling embarrassed by my clumsiness, adding on top of that the fact I was blubbering like a lost toddler. But that was the kind of helplessness I was drowning in.

The tears dried after a while. I picked myself up and massaged my shoulder, grateful for the pain to distract me. "I think this might be the new low for me," I thought dryly. "Yep. I'm not sure if it could be worse. Well, scratch that. Roderick could have turned on me, too." As I sat there, the unfairness of my situation was all I could think about. I had tried to do everything right, to do everything I could to hold my life together. And it still went to shit every time.

Thinking about the unfairness of life got me going down a nasty spiral. I got frustrated over my situation, and then I got more enraged about how it wasn't fair that I had to feel this way. I could feel my whole body tightening, neck straining, claws digging into my palms. After a long moment of intense but silent buildup, my rage bubbled over. It released itself into the world in the manner of that nearby volcano.

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