Dragon Dreams

Chapter 22: Past and Present (1/3)

"I was fifteen years old," Nyraz began. Her eyes glazed slightly as she recounted, wandering over to rest on a thin strip of sunlight painted on the floor. "Back then, I was living on a big farm near the tiny town of Breton Creek, Montana. My family was pretty big. I had three sisters and two brothers. There wasn't much I had experienced outside that farm and that town. I went to school, went to church, did chores; that was the life I knew. And then came that morning in June..."

Nyraz paused and shifted her posture slightly, one wing bobbing up and down again. After a breath, she continued, "I loved reading all kinds of books growing up. Dragons were something straight from the pages of my favorite fantasy stories. Something told me these dreams I'd been having weren't the typical kind of vivid dreams. I mean, these felt so real I couldn't believe it. I wonder, did you experience something similar before your transformation?"

"Yeah, I did, actually," I confirmed.

She drummed her ivory claws absently on the floor. "Interesting. Anyway, I shared a room with my youngest sister, and I remember waking up that morning in such detail. How everything just felt different before I opened my eyes. I don't know how I kept myself from screaming. Everything seemed almost distant, though. Like it wasn't really happening to me. Of course, I thought I was still in my dream, and so I waited to wake up. Eventually, I woke up my sister and calmly tried to tell her that I was dreaming and she needed to wake me up. She responded by insisting she must be dreaming and told me to wake her up.

"As the minutes wore on, it became clear to us that whatever had happened to me was real. I don't know how my little sister kept herself together because I almost started losing it. She went and got everyone else up and gave them some explanation that I don't recall. Whatever she said, it made the revelation to the rest of my family much easier. Everyone still almost attacked me out of shock when I opened the door, but luckily I was able to convince them it was me."

She paused for a long breath. "The rest of the morning is kind of a blur, but after some thinking on the matter, we reached some conclusions. The final verdict was I couldn't be seen by anyone else, and that I would stay in the house until we knew what to do. Luckily, there was really nobody around to see me, so I was safe from the outside world. My family was also incredibly understanding. Although none of us had any idea what had happened, I didn't feel rejected.

"After a couple days of isolation, though, things got worse. I got restless, irritated, and was increasingly ruled by instincts that I couldn't control. It got to the point where I was scared of myself—I killed and ate one of our cows, much to my family's horror and my own."

It was definitely a relief to hear that she had gone through difficulties similar to mine. I obviously wasn't the only one who had struggled with primal impulses and the fear that permeated those moments of weakness. But seeing her as she was now—totally at peace with her identity as a dragon—I felt a little envious despite the consolation. Then my thoughts quickly turned to hope as I pictured myself living a life similar to hers, finding the peace that she had.

Meeting my gaze with a small, knowing smile, Nyraz continued, "Then, Rofar saved me. Even back then he was serving as the clan's connection to the human world. He reappeared in my dreams and tried to tell me about the clan. He hardly knew any English, but he used magic and pictures to show me his home. It looked too good to be true. I told my family honestly that living in another place—at least temporarily—was best for me. Once again, they trusted me and honored my decision. It was tough for me as well; I was desperate for anything that offered me a chance at a more normal life. I just wanted to feel like I didn't have to hide all the time.

"Just a few days later, Rofar was showing me around here just like he is with you now. I remember seeing all this for the first time, how surreal it was. I hadn't seen any magic before. It was all just a whirlwind of new experiences. But, when I started to really get to know others around here, it started to fall into place that this could be a home for me. That it should be my home."

She breathed out a low, soft sigh, and her face took on a faraway expression. "It was no time at all before I started to fall for Rofar. That really settled it for me. After about a week, I returned home to the farm, but I couldn't stop thinking about him, or the clan. Whatever it was—love, hope, or some other promise of a better life—I decided to return to live here for good.

"So I found a way to tell my parents and siblings. It was something I never thought I would have to say to my own family. To tell them that I had to leave, and I couldn't belong in their world anymore. It broke my heart, but the alternative would have been even worse. Without the clan, without Rofar, a piece of me would be missing. Truthfully, I would still be missing part of my life if I left home, but I had to look at the big picture. I was not the same as I had been before.

Nyraz took a moment to glance out the window before she continued, "Even through all of these difficult conversations, I found that my family still loved me just the same. There was some anger, confusion, and accusations all around, but it faded in the end. Words are powerful, and I admired my parents and siblings for really facilitating that dialogue. When I left home, there was a mutual respect and understanding. I can't tell you how important that was."

Rofar's mate stopped for a moment. There were no tears in her eyes, but I could feel the raw emotions radiating from her athka. "So, I came back to this valley and have lived here ever since. Rofar and I obviously continued our relationship, and soon I felt like I had made the right choice. I trained to become a healer, and eventually joined the ranks of adult dragons in the clan. It's a peaceful life, and one that I am most thankful for."

The turquoise dragon regarded me for a moment before adopting a look of self-reproach. "My my," she chided herself, "I've gone on for long enough, I think. There's no reason to bore you with too many details. This should be more of a conversation, after all, not a history lesson. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have for me."

I inclined my head slightly in confirmation. "I hope you don't mind me asking a few personal questions. As you know, I'm kinda going through something similar, and I'm still at the very beginning of trying to figure everything out. So I hope to sort of learn from your experience to help guide my own, you know?"

"Yes, certainly. I will help in any way that I can."

I stared at a spot on the floor, trying to find a place to begin. "I'll say first that my family has been very understanding so far. I don't know if Rofar has told you anything about me but I had a fairly similar experience to yours. Once we got over the initial shock, they were there to talk things through. Everything seemed okay. Then, I had some of those same...control issues."

My voice softened, and my tongue felt numb, making the words stick in my throat as I relived these memories. "We said that no matter what happened we would always be family and be together. But soon I was too fearful of myself to stay at home. I ran away to try and distance myself from other people. I didn't want to hurt anyone. But you can imagine that was hard for my family. I made them a promise that I would...that I would come home."

I needed a moment to collect myself. I wanted to get the words out, wishing that it could somehow be easier for me, but the stubborn clenching of my throat muscles made even the act of breathing steadily impossible.

"It's okay, dear," Nyraz murmured tenderly. From her athka I could feel the warmth of her empathy. It was empathy in the purest sense; I sensed her heartache as well, and she could share mine. She didn't have to say anything else, the bond of our spirits made her understanding clear.

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