runaway girl

Love hurts

I was on the plane back to London. Nothing happened between me and Jason, I told him he should try and get back with his girlfriend. I could tell he loved her.

I was 26 and my life wasn't going anywhere .

"Cara by the way your not fired "

" thanks but I don't think its a good idea to work with you after how this trip has gone"

"I need you tho Cara"

"No I can t you said so yourself we don't make a good team"

"You know I didn't mean it ."

"Look it's just not working out "

"Why are you being so difficult "

"Iam not miles , iam 26 and my life is going nowhere , I want to do something that I like doing. I don't want to be someone else's assistant for the rest of my life."

"Fine "

"It's not like there won't be another blonde bimbo waiting to be your new sidekick "

"Your right there won't there will always be people wanting to work for me and if you can't even appreciate that then we are done "

"Whatever where's jake"

"He left yesterday why do you even care the guys a nut job "

"I don t care"

"See I think you do. You secretly wish things had gone different and that maybe now you could have had a family with that"

" your right miles as always. I do think what if. I loved jake and you can't help who you fall in love with "

"You certainly can't "

"I don't even get why your so much into my life miles you need to back of"

" what iam not I couldn't give a crap about your messed up life"

"What"

"Your not right you need help maybe you should run back to jake then maybe you can both get drunk togheter"

" well at least I know who my friends are"

"At least my life is normal. You know what iam glad your leaving I won't ever have to see you again "

" normal you life is fake . The only people who want to spend time with you is for your money. I mean we're in a private fricking plane normal people don't have there own jet. Do you know what I can't wait not to see your arrogant face again"

I got up and ran for the toilet I couldn't take it anymore. Why were we even arguing . I didn't care I just counldt wait to get off this plane. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were watery . I counldt cry I had to be brave and hold back my tears .

6 months later

I haven't seen miles or jake in 6 months. I still stayed in contact with mark . We've became good friends. Lauren iam still working on her.

We have to get on for marks sake.

I hadent gotten a new job. when I got back I told Eva everything and she suggested I take time off for myself . I ve been going to therapy and support group but I still feel bad. I should have never gone on the trip, miles was right I was messed up. I had started to drink and I even tried a cigarette to see what they were like and now I counldnt stop. I was ruining myself. now when I look in the mirror I don't see myself anymore . my determination is gone . it has been replaced with loneliness . I even think eva has stopped trying.

It was a Friday . I decided to go get take out to occupie myself . I lit a cigarette and walked to the shop. the cigarette calmed me . distressed me.