Coffee, Tea // Spencer Reid

Chapter 20- Hold me

Spencer

As the doctor heard his bell, he got onto his feet to answer the door.

"Hey."

"Hey, Lilith." Spencer replied, a little confused by her visit. "Come in."

She stepped into the doctor's flat.

"You can sit on the sofa, if you want. I'll make us some tea."

Spencer disappeared into the kitchen, and soon came back with two cups in his hands. He joined the girl on the couch, and handed her a mug. She wrapped her fingers around it, weary.

"About last night, I feel like I owe you an explanation..."

"Lilith, you don't owe me anything. You're my friend, I'm supposed to watch your back. It was just a bad moment, that's all."

"You saw it, didn't you?"

"Saw what?" Spencer asked, a slight idea in mind.

"When you tucked me in bed, you saw the picture on my table, right?"

"Yeah, sorry... I-I didn't mean to intrude."

"Don't worry, you did what was best. You were bound to see my flat, anyways." Lilith answered. She stuffed her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a small photograph. "Spencer, the reason why I've been acting weird yesterday was because of her."

The doctor took a close look at the image. No doubt, it was the third girl from the bedside table picture.

"This is Angela. She was Ezra's step-sister." Lilith took a deep breath. "Yesterday was her death's fifth anniversary."

Lilith turned her face away, as she did not want Spencer to see her cry. She wanted him to still see her as the "happy" and "quirky" version of herself. Spencer, however, gently took her face between his hands so that he could look into her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay." He said, in a soothing voice.

He took her into an embrace, and she buried her face in his neck. He slowly stroked her hair, as he whispered,

"I'm so sorry, Lilith."

She let go of Spencer, her tears drying.

"She died in a car accident, you know."

"I see. Is that why you didn't want to be taken home by car, yesterday?"

The girl silently nodded.

"It was when I got my medical degree. We went out to celebrate, and she was the designated driver. Angela was always the mom friend in our group." Lilith remembered fondly. "Ezra, my college friend Jeanine and I were drunk, and we stayed in the backseats. The accident happened really fast... our car collided face front with another one. The three of us only got minor concussions, but Angela received all the shock from the impact. She died a few hours later at the hospital. She was my best friend. I fell into depression, and I tried to bury my own grief by attending as many parties as I could, and being sober as least as possible. It got so bad, I had to drop out from my forensic pathology studies for a semester. I stayed at the hospital until I got better."

"Why were you at the hospital?"

"Failed suicide attempt."

Spencer stared at her, at a loss for words.

"After her death, I blamed myself for everything, as car wrecks survivors usually do. I still get nightmares from the accident."

"Have you ever considered the possibility you might have PTSD?"

"It's more than a possibility. I've been seeing a therapist for the past five years, for the depression and the trauma. I've been trying art therapy, which is nice. I've always liked painting."

Spencer recalled the first time he saw her, sketching shapes in her leather notebook, perhaps sketching her nightmares.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I feel like I've been dishonest. I'm not as cheerful as I make it seem. I'm just broken."

"Don't say that. You're not broken. You're allowed to be weak, to be sad sometimes. This does not change the way I see you. You're still my friend, Lilith, only you've gone through tough times and that is normal! The point is, you're a strong and beautiful human being, and that won't change."

Lilith was moved to tears, and she took his hand.

"Thank you, Spencer. I really needed that. You have no idea how happy I am to have you as a friend."

He squeezed her hand back.

"Same here. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Lilith let go of the doctor's hand, and wiped her tears away.

"I don't know if I should ask this question, but..."

"Go ahead, I'll tell you anything."

"Who's Maeve? You don't have to tell me. I mean, Jennifer let her name slip yesterday and I was wondering... I'm sorry, I don't want you to be uncomf-"

"Hey, don't worry. Maeve was... my first serious girlfriend. And my last."

"Oh, I see. Did you love her?"

"Yes, I did." Spencer replied.

"Then why did it end?"

The doctor took a deep breath.

"It's a long story, and an unhappy one."

"I'm willing to listen. You listened to mine, after all."

"The thing is, Maeve and I never actually met. She was a geneticist who worked on my file, and we happened to like each other, so we stayed in contact. She had a stalker, so we were both afraid to meet up. So I'd call her from pay-phones, and we talked that way for about ten months. One day, she disappeared. Her stalker had taken her. My team and I searched, and we found where she was being held. But the operation went wrong, and the stalker killed themselves along with Maeve."

Lilith was in shock.

"I-I don't know what to say, Spencer. I-I'm so sorry..."

And, for the first time, she saw him cry.

"Hey, come here." She said, as she brought him to her.

Spencer didn't mind her hugging him. He wanted, he needed to be held. He let the tears flow, damping her green sweatshirt, as he revelled in her sweet perfume of caramel. It felt so... cathartic, to be able to tell his story, as if he'd bottled up everything. And her simple touch soothed him like no one ever could.

They stayed in that embrace for a long time, both relieved they had someone to hold onto.