Echoes of Aphasia

Chapter 23: He Would've Wanted You To Be Happy

The next morning, I woke up around 6A.M. I quickly got ready and then I dressed Zach. After scribbling a quick note to Hayden and my parents, saying that I had to go do something but that I would be back soon, I placed Zach in my car and got ready to leave to the Harrison house. Just as I remembered, the drive was quick and short. I arrived at the house in less than ten minutes and after a full minute of contemplation, I got out of the car and took Zach in my arms.

I was feeling extremely nervous and my palms were starting to sweat as I stood in front of their door, waiting for someone to open up. When Jeremy's mother opened the door, she immediately pulled me into a tight embrace. Hugging both myself and Zach closely to her. "I missed you two so much my darlings." She mumbled while the tears ran down her cheeks.

I felt my throat tighten and a lump forming, then I too found myself with tears running down my face. I didn't realize how much I missed this family until now. She had always been like a real mother to me. Someone who supported me through everything, especially the death of her son and my pregnancy. Not once did she shut me out or push me away.

"I missed you too mom." I cried. She would always be my mother. Even if I ended up getting married to someone else later on in my life. She stretched her arms open for Zach and he willingly went to her. Smiling as he was tracing her now visible wrinkles. As we walked inside, I let my eyes trail to the pictures that still hung on her wall. There was still numerous pictures of myself and Zach hanging on her wall along with some pictures of Jeremy and I. We really were the best of friends back then and I did miss him. More than I could ever express to anyone.

I placed my hand on one of the pictures of myself and Jeremy at the beach. We were splashing in the water when his mother took the picture of us. It was one of my favourite pictures of the two of us. Tears welled up in my eyes and before I could stop them, they were once again streaming down my face. "I don't know what to do Jer." I whispered softly.

After a couple of minutes, when I turned around, I saw Jeremy's mother standing in the doorway looking intently with me with a small smile playing on her lips. "Let's go darling, I have fresh red velvet cupcakes waiting to be devoured." She said while stretching her hand out for me. I took it and walked with her to the backyard in silence.

"What's wrong darling? What's troubling you?" She asked once we were seated on the porch. Zach was playing ecstatically with Chino, Jeremy's old Labrador. "I'm so confused mom. I don't know what to do." I explained. She remained silent, allowing me to continue speaking at my own time.

"You know much I loved Jer. I still do mom, but I.. when Zach went missing, my mother told me that I needed to leave town for a bit because she couldn't handle seeing me after he went missing. She blamed me for his disappearance and she said I reminded her too much of him." I wiped my tears with a tissue and then continued speaking.

"The first night I got there, I went to a coffee shop and I met someone there mom. Someone who's in my life now and I don't want that to change mom. His name is Hayden and I.. I love him mom. I want to grow old with him, but I don't know what to do. What is Jer going to think if I move on with someone else. It's not fair to him or to you." I whimpered out through my tears.

After a moment of silence, she stood up and went inside the house. I was starting to think that she might be mad at me, but then she returned with a box in her hands. "Read this baby girl, then come find me in the house. I'll take Zach with me to give you some space." She offered me a kind and tender smile and then she took Zach into the house.

Inside the box was numerous documents as well as a single envelope with a red string around it. I pulled the string off and stared at the letter addressed to me. Jeremy wrote this. I could tell by the way my name was written. Only he ever wrote my name with a small "a" and a capitalized "x" My hands started to tremble as I pulled the letter out from the envelope.