Abigail

Chapter 4

"You want me to do that?" I asked horrified.

That's what Chris had wanted to do?

"I don't want you to do nothin'," she said. "You're a saloon girl now. It's your job."

"But...I can't!" I'd never blushed so much in my entire life!

"You don't have a choice. Silas paid good money for you, and he's gonna expect you to do your job."

He had paid good money for me. Six hundred and fifty dollars worth. Pa sold me to a complete stranger so he could make me do horrible things with all different men. For five years! I stared at the floor as tears flooded my eyes and spilled over.

Pa really didn't care about me. He didn't love me at all. Chris was right. I should have listened to him. Now it was too late. I thought the worst possible thing was the idea of being made to marry someone I didn't like, but this? This was a hundred times worse!

Would I ever even see Chris again? Pa certainly wouldn't tell him what happened to me. Even if he did, would Chris want me after this?

I closed my eyes against the tears, realizing that he would never want me now. No one would. Not after this.

"I know how you feel," Clara said. "I was in your place not too long ago, but the quicker you accept it, the better off you'll be."

"What if I don't?" I said. "What if I refuse?"

"Then you'll be punished."

"How?"

"Any way Silas feels like it," she said. "Besides, you probably won't have the option to refuse. But if you're too much trouble, he'll send you to jail. And if you think they'll be kinder to you there, think again."

I wrapped my arms around myself, wanting nothing more than to run away. I didn't even care where.

"I know this is scary," she said. "It's gonna be embarrassing and uncomfortable and painful, but you're gonna have to act like it's fun and as if you like it."

Incredulous at the thought, I stared up at her.

"You wanna be likable," she said. "You want Silas to like you and you really want the customers to like you."

Why would I ever want that? It seemed completely backward. If they liked me, I'd just have to do it more.

"If Silas likes you, it'll come in handy some time in the future. I promise. Besides that, he'll reward you in different ways all the time. And if the customers like you, you'll get some regulars. If you're lucky, you'll get a wealthy man who can afford to demand you exclusively. If not, then you'll get whoever comes along and is willing to pay. And a lot of 'em won't care to be nice. A lot of 'em won't even care that you're a person."

I stared miserably at the floor. Not only was I going to have to do this, but I was going to have to act like I wanted to do it.

How could Pa do this to me? Even if he didn't love me, how could he do this?

"Best thing you can do is to become a great actress," she said. "You act like everything the men say is the funniest, smartest thing you ever heard. You act like their ideas are the best ones you ever heard. And don't say no to anything unless it's against the rules."

"Tonight especially, you're gonna want them to like you," she said. "The better they like you now, the more money you'll bring in for Silas and the better he'll like you."

"Alright?" she asked when a minute went by without me saying anything.

Not taking my eyes off the floor, I nodded.