Abigail

Chapter 13

**Five Years Later**

The shriek from outside made my heart stop for a second. Startled, Minnie and I looked at each other before we moved to go check on Levi.

Before we could get very far, he ran through the door, crying hysterically. His knees were bleeding through his pants, his hands and arms were all scraped up, and he was covered in dirt.

I opened my arms to comfort him only to feel as if I'd been punched in the stomach when he ran straight to Minnie. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her skirt, sobbing loudly.

Minnie patted his back and glanced at me, looking uncomfortable.

Of course Levi wanted to be comforted by Minnie. She had always been the one who was there for him when he was scared or hurt. I had never been able to do that.

Allowing my arms to fall back to my sides, I forced a smile to reassure her. Out of necessity, I'd become extremely skilled at hiding every hint of my feelings behind a mask of pleasant serenity. It was harder here, but I could still smile any time I needed to.

Not seeming fooled, Minnie sent me a sad smile before leading Levi into the other room to tend to his injuries.

I sighed and sat down. It was probably a good thing that Levi wanted her. I wouldn't really have any idea how to comfort him. Not when it would take more than a hug and a kiss.

I'd come to resent a lot of things over the last five years. One of the biggest things was that aside side from missing out on a large portion of Levi's life, I didn't have any idea how to really be a mother. I knew how to hold a baby and change a diaper, but the important things were a mystery to me. I didn't know what to say when he asked difficult questions or wanted to do something he shouldn't. I didn't even always know if something was okay for him to do or not.

Minnie always seemed to have the right answer. While I was incredibly grateful to her for everything she'd done - and continued to do, it was hard not to feel jealous and resent her a little bit too. Which was something else I hated Silas for. I shouldn't feel that way toward Minnie, of all people. I just couldn't seem to help it. She got to be my son's mother and I didn't. She got to watch him grow and learn every single day, while I only got to see him every few months.

I'd come to be grateful that I got to see him that often, since it hadn't been that way at first. I was right to assume that Mr. Jacobs would keep me busy. He had. For months. I hadn't been able to come see Levi again until he was over a year old. And, as I also guessed, he didn't have any idea who I was.

It was a little better now that he was older, but for the first few years, I'd have to spend half of the time during our visits, waiting for him to feel comfortable enough around me to even give him a hug. He was sweet and lovable, but he didn't know me and it was frightening to have some strange woman trying to get too close.

Thankfully now he understood that I was his mother, but he was still a little hesitant for a little while whenever I would visit. I could tell that he didn't mean to be. He remembered me and he did love me, it was just hard for him to come around right away since he really didn't know me very well. Not like he knew Minnie. How could he?

Minnie came back into the room after a little while and sat in the other chair. I assumed that Levi went out the back door to play some more.

"Crisis averted," she said with forced cheerfulness. "A few scrapes and you'd think the world was ending."

I smiled and tried to resume working on the blanket I was making for Levi.

Minnie sighed loudly, apparently giving up the pretense.

"I'm sorry," she said, making it almost impossible to hold on to my calm demeanor.

My hands dropped into my lap and I looked at her. 

"Don't be sorry," I said. "I'm glad he has you."

She just smiled sadly.

"It's not easy," I admitted. "But I can't be here for him the way that you can. So I'm glad. I'm glad he loves you."

She didn't seem too comforted, but she nodded and picked up her own knitting.

"Especially since..." I started, deciding I needed to tell her.

She looked at me curiously.

"I don't know if I'll be able to keep coming like this, much longer," I said. "I think my customer is going to be moving on soon."

As much as I'd grown to hate Mr. Jacobs, he was the reason I was able to come see Minnie and Levi as much as I did. He went away on business every few months, and since he wouldn't be able to visit, Silas had grudgingly allowed me to leave during that time. But I could tell he was getting bored. He didn't come quite as often and when he did, his visits were pretty short. It was as if he was coming because he was paying, not paying so that he could come. And he wasn't nearly as nice as he used to be. He was still better than a lot of the other men I could have gotten stuck with, but just barely. I suppose it was an amazing feat that I'd managed to hold his interest for six years, but I knew it wasn't going to last much longer.

Part of me was glad. With as much as I hated him, compounded by the fact that I felt indebted to him for my visits to see Levi, it was more work to entertain him than it would be with anyone else. With the others I'd be able to shut off my mind and just do what they wanted. They wouldn't care if I was pretending to be happy or not. Most of them probably wouldn't even notice. But of course, once he did decide he was finished with me, I'd have to work every night again. Which meant that I wouldn't be able to get away at all.

It would also mean that I wouldn't have any more of Mr. Jacobs' gifts. Probably feeling as if it eased his conscience, he continued to give me gifts from time to time. He didn't do it as frequently as he used to, but they were still usually worth a decent amount of money. Not that I really wanted anything from him, of course, but I needed money. Anything I knew he wouldn't notice being gone, I sent to Minnie to sell.

But once he decided to stop paying for me, the gifts would stop too. And I worried about that because Levi wouldn't need fewer things as he got older. Minnie was doing alright, but I wasn't sure that would continue. And without me being able to visit to see for myself, she might not tell me she was having trouble either.

Minnie looked sad but accepting.

"If he does, I'll send the rest of his gifts so you can sell them," I said.

She nodded. "I'm sure it'll help."

We worked on our projects for a little while in silence before Levi came in through the door again. He looked much calmer than he'd been the last time.

He came over to me and held up a handful of daisies.

"I picked these for you, Mama."

My heart melted a little bit as I set down the blanket and took the flowers from his hand.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," I said, giving him a hug. "They're beautiful." Maybe his first thought wasn't to come to me when he was hurt, but he loved me enough to think to bring me a little present on his own.

Proud of himself, he grinned for a moment before going back outside to play.

Watching him go, I wondered how I was going to be able to leave him tomorrow. It might very well be the last time I'd be able to see him until my contract ended. In two years. I was going to miss so much. Every time I visited, I was stunned by how much bigger he was. But two years?

I had to close my eyes for a moment so that I wouldn't start crying.

I could make it for two more years. I'd made it through eight already. Having to go without seeing Levi was going to make it seem like an eternity, but at the end of it, I could really and truly be his mother. I wouldn't have to live with a constant mask of happiness in between short visits. I'd get to live with him all the time and I'd never have to work that way again.

I just had to make it until then. Levi kept me going for the last five years, and he would keep me going for the next two.

Just two more.