Abigail

Chapter 25

I was practically bouncing as the train began to pull away from the station.

Chris laughed from beside me. "Excited?"

I waved to Annie, Levi, and Eleanor one last time before turning to grin at him.

"I've never been on a train before."

After I'd gotten away from Silas and settled comfortably with Levi, I never thought I'd leave Marshall. I certainly never thought of actually traveling.

While having my past be common knowledge wasn't the nicest thing in the world, Marshall had become home. It was familiar and comfortable. I loved my house and of course there was Minnie and Levi, and now Annie and the baby.

I'd been perfectly content to never leave. But now I was actually going to travel to all sorts of places with Chris. I hadn't realized how intriguing the idea was before he'd suggested it.

Aside from the incredible idea of going anywhere at all with my husband, everywhere else was completely unfamiliar to me. The people that I would meet wouldn't have a clue who I was or what I used to do. To them I would be the perfectly normal and respectable wife of a wonderful man, and they would have no reason to think otherwise.

I'd been so sure my past would follow me forever, I still had a hard time believing that might not be true. I didn't even remember what it was like to not get those suspicious and wary looks from people anymore.

I would probably never want to give up my home for good, and I would never be able to completely leave Minnie, Levi, and Annie. Especially with the baby now. But it was going to be tempting to make trips to Marshall mere visits in the future. The prospect of being able to have a home to return to in between traveling, where no one knew about me and where Chris, Eleanor, and I could live as a regular family, was going to be extremely alluring.

Chris smiled and leaned over to kiss me.

When he pulled away, I smiled, glad that he'd gotten over his hesitancy about taking those liberties. He'd been so concerned about my feelings, that for a while he'd been shy about doing anything more than holding my hand. It was sweet but it was also a little frustrating. My mind kept insisting that he was only worried about how I felt the way he said, but it was hard not to believe that he was thinking about all the things I might have done with other men. 

Which was understandable, of course, but I hated thinking of him seeing me that way.

He never asked about anything specific. I certainly wasn't going to volunteer the information either, but I wondered if his imaginings weren't worse than reality. I wasn't quite sure how they could be, but maybe not talking about it was worse.

Whatever the case, I didn't really care to think about it, and anyway, he seemed alright now. It had taken a little time, but he didn't display any of that hesitancy anymore. It had mostly disappeared after a few weeks, and by the time we were married, he really seemed fine.

I was pretty amazed by how fine he was, actually. I'd worried about our wedding night especially, but somehow, it had been alright.

Actually, it was much better than just alright, but my worries had been unnecessary.

Even though Chris had miraculously seemed to overlook my past, I worried that he might struggle when it came to that kind of intimacy. I also worried about how I would feel about it. Before this, I'd completely hated every aspect of it. In my experience, the best I could hope for was to have it end quickly. Mostly, I'd found it awkward and uncomfortable, and just plain revolting. I didn't want to disappoint him, and I wanted to be closer to him and give him everything I could, so I resolved to make the best of it.