Abigail

Chapter 9

My visits from Mr. Jacobs became more like work after that, and I honestly didn't mind. I told him I was willing to do anything he wanted, and I was. Besides, the change helped me keep my feelings out of it the way I needed to.

His visits also increased. He didn't come every day, but it was most days. It was as if he was trying to get in as many visits as possible before the baby came.

Once the baby arrived, he didn't seem happy about having to wait for a while, but thankfully, he didn't complain. I was so happy to have my son safely in my arms, I would have gladly continued to go on with our visits. If the doctor didn't forbid it and if it wouldn't have been excruciatingly painful, I really would have.

I named him Levi, and I couldn't help thinking about Chris. I rarely allowed myself to do that because it was just too painful, but as I looked at my son, I couldn't help but think that he should be Christopher's son too. And he would never know him.

Once Levi arrived, I was unable to put off my worries about what to do with him any longer. Silas had begrudgingly allowed me to rest for two weeks as the doctor ordered, but now he wanted the baby out. He didn't care where he went, he just didn't want his crying to disturb the customers any longer.

By some miracle, Clara had heard about a woman who was willing to help. She apparently used to work in another saloon and wanted to help other girls get out. Unfortunately, I didn't have that option yet, but after I'd written to her, she offered to help me with the baby. The problem was, she lived miles away from here. I could get there...but not often. And I couldn't leave Levi for more than a few hours at a time.

Of course Silas wasn't at all sympathetic. He didn't care if Levi died. But he was going to have to allow me to do something. I didn't worry all that time and plead with Mr. Jacobs to let Levi be born just to have him die now. My son was going to survive if I had to kill myself to do it. And I was afraid that whatever Silas would make me do, might come close.

Taking a deep breath and steeling myself, I knocked on his office door. I wished that Clara wasn't occupied with a customer at the moment, so I could have her watch Levi while I had this discussion. I didn't trust any of the other girls nearly enough to leave him with them even for a few minutes. They all thought he was cute, but had absolutely no idea what to do with a baby.

"Come in," Silas said from the other side of the door.

At his answer, I went inside and pulled the door shut behind me, hoping Levi would stay asleep.

"Have a seat," Silas said, not looking pleased.

I obeyed and waited for him to say something. He knew why I was here.

Silas sat back in his chair and watched me for a moment, assessing.

"What do you plan to do about this?" he finally said.

"I was thinking that maybe I could take a break," I said, knowing he wouldn't like it, but not seeing any other option.

"Out of the question."

"But I have to do something," I said. "I'm not leaving my son to die."

"You should have thought about that seven months ago," he said unsympathetically. "You are the one who refused to take care of the problem then."

"My son is not a problem." I scowled. "And he's here now, so there's no use worrying about what I did or didn't do seven months ago."

Silas narrowed his eyes. "Then I ask again, what do you intend to do about this?"