The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 45: The Endless Day

Gabby.

My nights are restless.  Dreams of Courtney and the night in the woods haunt me.  They start with her scream, and as hard as I try to stay out of the woods I always end up back in them, unable to find Jax and ending at Courtney's lifeless mangled body.  Her face, what did they do to her face?  My screams wake me, my bed soaked in sweat and bile in the back of my throat.  My body and mind are both exhausted. 

Tonight was no exception.  I wake at three in the morning, screaming, drenched, grasping for air that Courtney never found.  I rip my sheet off of me and run across the hall just in time to throw up everything I attempted to eat yesterday.  My gut contracts every time I think of my best friend dead on the ground.  I can't even tell which sounds are coming from me, the sobs, the violent heaves, the screams, all of them?  My body shakes as I curl up on the floor in a ball.

"Gabs..."  Sydney stands in the doorway with a horrified look upon her face.  I cover my face and cry so hard I can't breathe.  "Gabby, come on what can I do to help?"  She kneels beside me on the floor.

"You can't help Syd, I wish you could."  I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. 

"Do mom and dad know you're screaming and puking all night?"  She grabs my hair and pulls it back, removing a hair-band from her wrist and putting it up into a messy bun. 

I shake my head no. 

"What about Jax?  Does he know?"

"No." I sigh.  Everyone has enough on their plate Syd.  Dad is just as fucked up after that as I am.  Jax has enough to worry about.  His little sister is gone.  He doesn't need to worry about me right now."

"Well someone does Gabby.  Because you are not yourself.  This is not normal. If you don't talk to one of them about this I will."

"I have an appointment today, okay? I just need to get my meds sorted out. I'm taking the anxiety pills out they just aren't cutting it. I think I need an antidepressant. Then I'll be fine." I wipe the sick from my lips with a piece of toilet paper and press my eyes closed tight.

Sydney stands and starts the shower, testing the water every few seconds with her hands before motioning me to go towards it. "Get in, Gabs. I'll go grab you new pajamas."

I don't fight her on this.  I feel gross.  I look worse.  I literally have to peel my clothes off of me.  Sydney takes them and hands me a towel. 

"Please don't tell mom and dad."  I call out to her before she leaves the room.  Her big blue eyes meet mine.  "Please Syd.  They already look at me like I'm damaged."

"Be honest with Jax then, Gabby.  You know he would never look at you like that.  He will understand."  She walks out and leaves me in the room alone in in the room.

I turn the water so that it's cold, jolting me to an even more awake state.  I'm not sure I want to fall back asleep, I can't handle anymore nightmares tonight.  It takes a few minutes to adjust, but chilly water cools my skin back down.

Once I finish calming down and cleaning myself I slide into the oversized t-shirt that Sydney set out for me with a pair of old gym shorts and return to my room. I smile when I see Sydney in my bed, TV on with Mean Girls queued up, and popcorn bucket in hand. This is exactly what I needed. I crawl in beside her, throwing a blanket over our legs and I set my head on her shoulder.

"You're the best, you know that?"

She laughs and begins the movie. "I'll remind you of that Gabby."

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Sydney and I never set an alarm thinking we wouldn't fall asleep, but we did.  We both frantically run around the upstairs of our home as she prepares for her last day of school and me for my appointment.  Luckily I don't require as much 'upkeep' as my younger sister and it only takes me twenty minutes before I'm out the door.