The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 56: Fake Smiles - Part I

Gabby.

Tables line my old high school gym with ivory and lilac table cloths. These tables house silly little wedding games, pitchers of mimosas and little bags of Hershey kisses in the same lilac color. There's a cake that says 'Future Mrs. Porter' in the center of the room with a fountain of chocolate to dip strawberries and pretzels.

Every woman I've known in my life walks in, dressed up, pretend smiles, clutching gifts that there is a whole separate table for. They walk straight to me and give me hugs, kisses on my cheek, tell me how beautiful I look, how they can't wait to see me walk down the aisle a week from today.

The fakest smile in the room is mine.  I smile and pretend I'm okay.  I pretend that I'm not screaming inside, terrified for the life of my daughter and me.  Trust no one.  I'm seriously supposed to sit here, open a blender from my great aunt Betty and assume she wants to murder my daughter?  Did she lace the blender with raspberries?

Sydney hands me gifts as Morgan keeps track of who bought me what with her little notepad.  I unwrap each one, smile, say how much I love it how badly Kane and I wanted a second toaster (because the person didn't understand how to use a fucking registry). Then I hand the gift back to Sydney, and repeat.

Once we finally get through all the cheesy games I'm finally able to eat and think without anyone needing the pretend smile from my face. I take a bite of my cucumber sandwich and set it back down when my stomach churns.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. It's been two days since Jax came back into my life. When I'm not thinking about how terrified I am for Zo and I, I'm thinking about how terrified I am for him. I can't lose him twice, I won't live through it this time.

Jax is back. I'm engaged to Kane. I love Kane. There is no denying that I love Kane Porter. There is also no denying that I love Jax Parker. Being in the same room with him, feeling his eyes on me again, it hurt. It took everything in me not to jump into his tattooed arms and not let go.

I'm home for my wedding. I can't think about Jax like this anymore. Who knows where he's been or what he's done with his life. He could have a girlfriend, a family of his own. Jesus please don't let him have any of that, I can't take it. The look on his face when he heard Kane was my fiancé... it made me sick. He hated Kane and for a good reason. But I love Kane, so much. It's not like Jax begged me to come back to him the second he saw me again either. We haven't even talked about Zo, just about how my dad him and I need to figure out who killed Courtney and who is threatening us.

"Are you okay, Gabby? You've barely eaten the last two days."

I look back to my baby sister and nod my head. "I'm fine. I could really use fresh air. I want to call Kane and hear his voice, it calms me."

"Go." She nudges her arm with mine. "I'll cover for you with mom."

I grab my phone and quickly make my way back outside the school where I sit in my car and lock my doors. 

My finger hovers over the name.  I hesitate but eventually force myself to press it and hold the phone to my ear and wait.

"Books..." he sighs.  "You okay?"

Tears fill my cheeks and my makeup runs.  "You mean for seven years I could have just pressed your number and spoke to you?"

"I would never have answered.  You called me the first few months, remember?"

I sniffle and wipe my eyes, smearing the mascara even more.  "I remember" I whisper.  "I wanted to hear your voice."

"I wanted to hear yours too."