Hopeless

Chapter 4

In the Rooms of a Thousand fountains Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi was meditating. He felt peace and calm come over him as he let out all of his fears and worries into the Force. Obi-wan had just come back from a mission and was relieved to be back at the temple. As Obi-wan focused on the force, a certain Jedi padawan came to his mind. Although many would not suspect this, Obi-wan found that over the years he had grown to form a small bond with young Ahsoka. It wasn't nearly as strong as his own bond with Anakin but it was there. As he thought of her, he sensed a great deal of suffering and torment in the young padawan. He wanted to look deeper to see if he could uncover the source of the girl's pain but Obi-wan was interrupted by the sudden call of his name. 

"Hello Anakin." He called out, not even bothering to turn to look at the young man.

"Sorry to disturb you Master but I was wondering if I could have a word?" Anakin asked gently as he approached his former Master. Obi-wan gestured for him to take a seat in front of him and Anakin happily complied. 

"What is it Anakin?" Kenobi questioned. Anakin suddenly turned his head away, as if ashamed of what he was about to say.

"I need guidance Master." Anakin paused, wondering how to continue. "I am worried about Ahsoka and don't know what to do." He explained. Obi-wan could clearly sense the fear and uncertainty that was radiating off his former student. 

"Anakin what is it that worries you?" The master asked. He had his own speculations of what was wrong but was interested in getting the facts.

"Well, ever since-" Anakin stopped, anger racing through him as he thought of him. He took a deep breath, then continued. " since the incident Ahsoka hasn't been the same. I will admit that recently I haven't been the best master. She was hurting and I thought by ignoring it that maybe things would go back to normal. I am seeing now that was not the answer. I fear that because I had abandoned Ahsoka that she has become worse." Anakin voice got quieter as he said this. A sudden sense of shame came over him as he realized the damaged he had caused. 

Obi-wan could see the inner turmoil on Anakin's face. After hearing this Obi-wan was beginning to understand the vibes he was feeling before when he focused on Ahsoka. This was all because of what that monster did to her. How he had broke her and left her in pieces. Obi-wan sighed, trying to think of what to tell his friend. This definitely wasn't going to be an easy fix.

"Well you certainly have gotten yourself into quite the situation." Obi-wan tried humor to release some of the tension. Unfortunately Anakin only turned his head away in guilt at this statement.
"Not to worry, Anakin. Seems like you just need to talk to her, figure out what she needs help with." Obi-wan stood to his feet and reached his hand out to Anakin. "Here, I'll go with you and we can talk to her now." Anakin looked up at his old friend and gladly took his hand. He rose to his feet and the two men set out to find their padawan.

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Meanwhile, Ahsoka was fiercely defending herself against multiply blaster fire. She was back at her vigorous training and her body was beginning to feel the affects of her work out plan. Her muscles ached in pain and her stomach felt as if it was eating itself. However, Ahsoka was a fighter. She pushed past her body's cry for rest and kept fighting. Her movements became quicker as her pain began to fade. Suddenly she felt a sharp cold pain jolt up her leg. She had somehow let her guard down and was shot by one of the training orbs. This caused her to lose all her focus and she fell to the ground as the sudden condition of her body caught up to her. The training orbs shut off, realizing they had won and the room was filled with silence. Ahsoka sat on the floor, listening to her own heavy breaths as she attempted to shut out the pain. She felt hopeless. Like she was a weak child that would always need someone to come save her. Tears began to stream down her face. Why was she like this. Ahsoka tried to find the answer, she racked her brain looking for a reason as to why she had become this way. 

"It's all his fault" She kept telling herself. A shiver ran up her spine at the thought of him. He took advantage of her when she was defenseless, and he made her weak. He used her and left her broken and shattered, trying desperately to pick up the pieces. It had been 2 months and still she wasn't better. She was supposed to be a Jedi, yet she couldn't even handle some bad dreams. Ahsoka knew she was a failure. She hated herself for who she had become.

"Anakin spent all this time training me and now I've wasted it. I'll never be a Jedi." Ahsoka couldn't stop these thoughts from entering her mind. Suddenly a realization came to her. Ahsoka wiped her tears away and slowly began to stand up. Ahsoka knew she wasn't worth her Master's time or training, that soon enough he would realize that and throw her aside. So, she made a deal with herself. She would give herself a week. If by the end of the week she wasn't better, if she still couldn't pull her crap together, she would relieve herself and everyone else of the burden that had been put on them. She knew in the end if she couldn't become a Jedi, she didn't deserve to stick around and cause problems to everyone.

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