Hopeless

Chapter 12

The drive from the nightclub to the motel and then back to the temple was tense. Ahsoka opted to stay in the back seat, which essentially cut off the potential for a conversation. Rex couldn't really blame her though, he barely even knew what to say. With nothing else to occupy his mind, Rex found himself becoming lost in thoughts. Most of which revolved around his commander. 

Rex had wanted to talk to her. To try and figure out what had been going on. If he weren't worried about maintaining a professional relationship Rex would have already wrapped Ahsoka up in his arms. Rex had quickly abandoned that idea. Considering that he shared quarters with dozens of traumatized soldiers, he knew better than to crowd around someone in a potentially triggering situation. Which was what Rex had assumed happened. He saw and heard how the twi'lek was speaking to the commander earlier. He had wanted to go over and tell the loser to get lost but that could have compromised their covers and Ahsoka managed to steer him away. Then when he ran in to see what the commotion was he found Ahsoka and the twi'lek on the ground. Rex saw the blood dripping from the man's head but he also saw the scratch marks on his arms. Defensive wounds. When he turned towards Ahsoka it wasn't hard to connect the dots. Ahsoka looked dazed and confused, but her shirt was slightly ruffled and she had red dots running along her collarbone and neck. Rex wanted to kill the guy right there. He clearly had given her some unwanted attention and Ahsoka had fought back. Throwing him across the room when he wouldn't stop coming on to her. He wanted the guy dead but one look at Ahsoka made him forget about revenge. She looked so hurt and broken, sitting on that dusty dance floor. 

That was when he knew he had to get her out of there. She had a distant look in her eyes ever since Rex had brought her back to the speeder and he couldn't even begin to think what was going through her mind. 

Looking in the rearview mirror to catch a glimpse at Ahsoka, Rex was eerily reminded of when she was first rescued from captivity. 

The first week she was back Rex, Anakin and Obi-wan had practically spent every waking moment in her recovery room. She was reasonably shaken up and the three men felt it best not to leave her alone. She was cold and distant at first, sometimes just staring off into the distance, not hearing a word anyone would say. But as the days went on she started to get back into her old self, joking around and snarking up a storm. As Rex was getting closer and closer to the end of his own medical leave, he thought that she was getting better. That she was okay and would be alright without them. And since getting back to his own military duties Rex hadn't seen her much and he assumed that as she got released from the Halls of Healing and got back into the swing of things, she would be back to her normal self. 

Thinking back on that, Rex realized how foolish and arrogant that was. As a soldier, he should know better than anyone what that kind of trauma does to a person. The war had done a number on Rex and he wasn't sure he would ever be the same person he was that first day he left Kamino. When Fives and the rest of the boys came to him expressing their concern for Commander Tano he began to realize just how bad she had it. Rex was captive there too, and he knew that those 2 days had added to his already present PTSD. Ahsoka, on the other hand, had been imprisoned for almost 2 weeks and had suffered that torture alone. Rex should have thought to check in with her more. To be there in her recovery. Ahsoka may be a Jedi and commander but she was also a teenager. It was clear to Rex now that she was hurting, no doubt experiencing some form of PTSD. They should have seen it coming. They should have prevented it, Ahsoka didn't deserve to be going through this. 

"I'm sorry," Rex interrupted the silence.

"What?" 

"I'm sorry. I never apologized. When we were stuck there. I wasn't able to protect you, to keep you safe. You're my commander, I'm supposed to have your back. You shouldn't have ever been in that situation. You should have never had to go through that alone. And even when we were there we weren't able to stop it. So I'm sorry. For letting you down."