Hopeless

Chapter 9

Anakin entered his shared quarters to find it silent. He had gone to visit Padame after the meeting and stayed true to his intentions, only sticking around for a couple of hours. He was hoping to get a chance to talk to Ahsoka about the mission when he got back but he found the common room empty, suggesting she was in her room, likely sleeping. Most nights Anakin had to pester Ahsoka to go to bed, which he was seldom successful at because of his tendency to stay up all hours of the night. It was only about 2200 hours, which to Obi-wan's standard is far too late to still be up but Anakin and Ahsoka were typically still wide awake, watching holo or playing something. However, their mission tomorrow did require them to be up around 0400 hours and at the landing pad by 0500, so late night holo probably wasn't the best option. 

Sure enough, when Anakin looked into her room he found her fast asleep. He stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the sight. Ahsoka seemed to be sleeping fine, which was a relief to Anakin. Ever since finding out that things didn't seem right with Ahsoka, he had been raking his head with potential explanations to the strange behaviour. The one at the forefront of his mind was that she could be suffering nightmares. Anakin was no stranger to nightmares, he'd been getting them ever since he was a child and they only seemed to get worse over the years. Anakin felt a shiver run down his spine just thinking about them, recalling the damage done when his mother had died, and even the torment his most recent dream had caused. He couldn't seem to get the images out of his head. Ahsoka on the floor, bleeding profusely, already gone by the time Anakin could get to her. Anakin shook his head, focusing back on Ahsoka, sleeping 5 feet in front of him. Luckily the sight of her chest slowing rising and falling seemed to scare away the other images. She's fine, she's alive. I can work with alive, he thought. 

Her soundless sleep seemed to help ease Anakin's racing mind. He hoped this meant he was wrong, that she wasn't having nightmares. He knew that she did have them, everyone had them.  Anakin can recall many nights he had stayed by her side and coaxed her back to reality. Most of those nights she had nightmares of the war, of clones dying, of him or Obi-wan dying. It was an unfortunate reality of the war. Anakin had them too, typically after a particularly damning mission. Ones that included high death counts, or hail marys that put himself and his padawan in harm's way. Those nightmares he could deal with, he knew those and how to help Ahsoka. But if she was suffering dreams of her time in captivity, well that was uncharted territory. Anakin was finding it hard enough to talk to her when she was awake and dealing with issues in front of her, so how was he supposed to help when she was asleep, vulnerable and being tricked by her mind. 

Anakin sighed and brought his hand up over his mouth. He was dreading the day ahead, particularly the mission. He knew Ahsoka wasn't ready, she had practically jumped out of her skins when Obi-wan brought it up at breakfast. He thought about telling her she couldn't come, telling her to take more time at the temple to train and get her head back into it. He didn't humour this idea for long, he knew if he had tried to bench her she would most likely resist, insisting she wasn't a youngling. Or at least thats what she would have done before. Though, even if she didn't fight him on it he knew the council would. They had been extremely clear they wanted her back on missions, so going against their direct orders probably wasn't the best way to get on their good side. Although Anakin wasn't sure he would ever be on their good side, nor did he want to be.

When a yawn escaped his lips, Anakin decided it was time to head to bed. He took one last look at Ahsoka, thankful to see she was still sleeping soundly, he stepped out of her room and closed the door. With the feeling of fatigue slowly catching up to him, Anakin headed to his room to get some much-needed sleep. 

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Day 4

Ahsoka woke up surprised to be feeling refreshed and energetic. She hadn't had any dreams and managed to sleep the whole night. Feeling proud of herself, Ahsoka got up and started getting ready for the day ahead. It was 0420 by the time she finished showering and getting dressed, having then made her way to the kitchen to grab some breakfast before they had to head out. Anakin surprisingly was awake before her, having already showered and changed when Ahsoka came out of her room. She figured he had purposely gotten to the shower before she woke up, considering usually it resorted in some friendly fighting between the two. Anakin always insisted he needed to go first because he needs time after for his hair to dry, and Ahsoka didn't even have hair. However, this would cause problems when Anakin would spend 20-30 minutes in the shower, and then claim it was Ahsoka who made them late because she still needed to shower. Needless to say, Ahsoka was glad to see she didn't have to be pounded on the fresher door this morning.