Fake Tan - hs *ON HOLD*

i'd rather not

Isla sat patiently at the table waiting for her mother to return home from her hospital shift after she'd promised to catch up over some Chinese food. Their relationship hadn't been the same since she betrayed her father, fucking up her marriage and Isla's relatively settled life. Some would say it had always been so comfortable prior to the incident, almost the calm before the storm that it wasn't a huge surprise that a happy family were splitting down the middle.

Isla had always thought they were a pretty happy bunch, catching up on each other's days over dinner, watching X-Factor together in winter, legs tucked under their bodies as they laughed through auditions; but this didn't mean they were content, otherwise her mother wouldn't have cheated on her father.

Once Isla was sat down and told about the shitty news one day after school, she almost felt as if her heart had stopped and frozen. Not because she was upset for herself but for her father, the romantic, soppy, love struck man that just, loved love. He had been living his life feeling content and happy, in contrast to his unfaithful wife. It was all at once that his life kind of just, crumbled into a pile in front of him - like a house under construction in a storm.

And to be honest, Isla has never quite forgiven her mother for that, always leaving the question to swim around her curious mind - how can you cheat on someone you love? Because she refused to accept that the 15 years they'd been together for when Isla was 12 wasn't long enough to want to stay with that person for as long as they lived.

The door slammed and Isla jumped up from her chair to greet her mother in an effort to start to try and fix what had broken down so badly 4 years ago. She didn't want to feel this closed off and bitter to everyone around her.

In through the kitchen her stepfather appeared, tripping over the step into the room with his gangly legs and shopping bags.

"Alright, Is?" Harry asked, his nose red and slightly runny from the chilly weather starting to catch up to Britain in late September.

She nodded making no effort to be particularly polite to the man who single-handedly wrecked her parents' relationship.

"Cool, cool." He hesitated before speaking again.
"So your mum has been called in to do a night shift this evening and can't hang out tonight."

She could tell her face fell as soon as those words hit her ears and she nodded again before beginning to make her way to the stairs.

"Wait, Is! I could order some Chinese, we could hang out instead?" He called up to her and she scoffed just as her foot reached the top step.

"I'd rather not, Harry." She heard him sigh just before grasping the bathroom door's lock and turning it.

Isla was angry at herself, how did she not expect this to happen? It wasn't the first time and she knew it wouldn't be the last - although somehow it tugged on her heart more this time and she felt her mouth turn down in the corners and her eyes become heavier with glossy tears.

Stepping in the steamy shower, her heavy head rested against the clear screen as she sat herself down onto the cool tiles. She let herself cry, because of a few things that had been weighing on her mind and she knew that if she wanted to be happy, she had  to make herself happy. Be outgoing she thought, not a difficult task for her but at times it can be her biggest struggle.

* * *

Laying in her bed that night Isla heard the front door open and close not bothering to guess that it was her mother. But she wasn't awake at 3am for that; she was thinking about a boy, one that she was certain had broken her heart. She knew he'd be at a few upcoming parties and she felt her fingernails dig into the smooth skin of her palm, leaving crescent shaped marks there. She was scared, Isla had always been scared of getting hurt, but he really did hurt her.

It had been a year and she wasn't over it. She needed to get over it - she wanted to come in from school and be pleasant to Harry and chat to her mum and walk past Theo in the hallways of school and not wanted to nail her heart to her ribcage in an attempt to stop the hammering. It wasn't a plan, it was something she was already starting to do, slowly but surely.