Divorce

∞ of Seventeen

(January 30th, 2015)

  When people ask you 'How do you know?' you never really have an answer. You just do know and that's why you told them, but they won't listen to you because they think you were wrong and when it happens they tell you that you were right and you don't know weather you should reply with a 'I told you so.'

  How do you know?

  You just do. When someone asks you if it would be a good idea to buy a dress in yellow color and you just know that it won't look good on them and you tell them that and they ask you, 'How do you know? You've never seen me where this color,' and the reason 'It makes you look like you're a drop of sun,' isn't good enough.

  They ask you How do you know? and you just shrug your shoulders because you know that you do not have a good enough reason to make them do, or let them know the information you do, because they are not sure if you are right and when you can't explain why you are, why would they listen?

  That's the problem. That's human nature and I think no one can go against it. Where's the point in it anyway?

  Human nature. It's in the human nature to be work, to be nice and kind. To steal and lie, to write to rules, follow them, and break them. It is in the human nature to cheat, to make mistakes and to forgive or not forgive and it is never easy, because you never know what is better and to be honest, they are all equal qualities.

  It is in the human nature to react the way you do and repeat your mistakes over and over again in spite of knowing what results they give. 

  It is in the human nature to think of the things you are not supposed to, to think of the memories you're not supposed to remember.

  It was eight in the evening and I do not know how long I have been waiting for my mother now. Our school program got over about an hour or two ago, I didn't really check my time back then. Surprisingly, I wasn't the only one left waiting for someone to come and pick me up. 

  I caught a glimpse of Jeremy and walked down the stair slowly, he was standing next to the gate, just as I was about to greet him my mother appeared. Now, dear mother, was not the right time. I pushed the thought of trying to speak to Jeremy to the back of my mind and walked to my mother, hugging her and then crouching down to my little brother.

  "Hello, little boy, how are you today?" I asked, grinning at him. His little hands wrapped around my neck and I wrapped mine around his thighs, placing him on my right hip.

  "Jeremy!" I called out, "come here, I want you to meet a little someone."

  "A little someone?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and looking at me like I've just grown two heads or worse.

  "Just come here."

  I placed my little brother down and looked up at Jeremy, "Jem, this is Mark. Mark, this is Jeremy, say hi!" I said, pushing my brother to Jeremy, he was shy and hiding behind my skirt didn't help, I nudged him and said, "Come on, say Hi."

  "Hi, Germy," he said and then took Jeremy finger, circling his hand around it. His hand was so small compared to Jeremy's finger, the same made me smile and think of a future.

  A future I couldn't have and shouldn't think of.

  I placed my hand on my stomach and rubbed slow circles, thinking about Mark and Jeremy over and over again, I would have done anything to live in that moment again.

   My phone rang, bringing me back to my senses. I lazily got out of bed and looked at the number flashing, it wasn't familiar, but I picked it up anyway and slid my thumb through the screen.