Calming The Beast

17.

They talk, Bruce and Logan, till the sun disappears from the sky and the tower falls silent, Logan opts to sit with Bruce on his bed, legs crossed, hands in her lap, Bruce himself sat across from her, both silent, he's processing everything, well not everything, almost everything, there are still things she hasn't told him, will never tell him.

"Your powers" he whispers trying to work through it.

"The demon" she answers. "The one that killed my mom, he...stood over my crib..." Bruce touches her knee. "What he did to me, it's why I can do what I can do...he....he bled into my mouth, me and Sam, we grew up with demon blood in us but the powers, they didn't start till later on...." she sighs and glances to Bruce before looking away. "I had a nightmare one night, I witnessed the man I love stand in front of machine that fired gamma radiation, he protected a colleague after the machine malfunctioned....and...days later I watched as you did that exact thing" she looks to Bruce. "I knew it was going to happen" she admits. "But I thought nothing of it...it was just some stupid nightmare to me" she looks down. "I could have stopped it from happening" she whispers, Bruce squeezes her knee softly.

"No" he argues shifting closer. "Logan, it's not your fault" she frowns and nods. "No" he argues lifting her face in his hands. "No, sweetheart, no...I made that choice that day, I stood in front of those rays....." he brushes away the tears from her cheek and presses his forehead to hers. "I made that choice, it's not your fault" she takes a shaky breath and closes her eyes.

"So tired, Bruce" she whispers to him, swaying slightly where she sits, admitting it all, getting it all off her chest. To finally tell Bruce everything she wanted to tell him when they were together, it's draining. He pulls her closer and lays down on the bed with her, she hums against his chest, his arms wrapped tight around her.

"Just sleep" he offers kissing her head.

"Don't leave me" she pleads quietly, he closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"'M not going anywhere, sweetheart" he promises her, she shivers slightly and he pulls a blanket around them both. "I got you" he whispers soothingly. "I'm right here" he adds as she clutches to his shirt, he brushes her hair back from her face, his fingers gently brushing over her cheek as she falls asleep in his arms. How long since he held her like this? How long since he watched her sleep? And it's all coming flooding back. Those feelings he thought he pushed away, but all he'd done is pushed them back. He knows he never stopped loving her, that was never in question, but having her here with him, he forgot how much like home she feels. He lets himself relax, and he falls asleep with her in his arms.

...............

Logan wakes alone, and to be honest she's not that surprised, she's disappointed though. She sits up and closes her eyes before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Bruce asks from the doorway to his bathroom, Logan takes a breath and releases it, relief flooding through her, he hadn't just left her, he's right there.

"Nowhere" she answers glancing to him. He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "Okay, fine, I thought you'd..." she shrugs a little.

"You thought I left" he realises, she looks away.

"Wouldn't be the first time a man left my bed before I woke up" she grumbles and pushes herself to her feet, cringing and wrapping her arm around her side. "Sorry" she offers. "You probably don't want to hear about that" he shrugs a little.

"I know you're not a nun, Logan" he assures her. "I didn't expect you to wait.....I wanted you to find someone who made you happy, who could give you everything I couldn't"

"Bruce" she whispers. "You made me happy" she admits. "You have no idea..." she looks down. "You know how screwed up and crappy my childhood was, but being with you, being in that lab....Believe me, there was nothing and no one who made me that happy...." she touches his shirt as he watches her. "I was willing to give it all up for you" she adds pulling her necklace out from under her shirt, he smiles and takes it between his fingers.

"I can't believe you still wear this" he comments touching the ring hanging next to the pendant. "I would have you know" he assures her. "I would have married you without blinking" she nods.

"I know" she touches his wrist. "You wouldn't have asked me if you weren't serious about it" he smiles sadly watching the lights reflex off the ring, it's nothing special, nothing huge, But he'd been carrying it around for months before he asked her. Saved for months too just to get her the one ring he deemed perfect. "You can have it back" she offers quietly. "It belongs to you....." she adds, he shakes his head, something about her giving it back it makes his heart falter, like it's the final nail in the coffin that was their relationship. She reaches up to remove her necklace and he stops her, quickly, desperately.

"No" he argues shaking his head, eyes pleading with her. "Keep it" he pulls her hands away from the clasp of her necklace.

"Bruce" she whispers, warning him that they're not the same as they were. He knows this. He knows. But....he can't watch her take it off. It belongs with her. He brushes his hands over her face and then threads his fingers through her hair before he kisses her. She sighs against his lips, seven years, seven long years without him, without this feeling in her chest. She shifts closer lifting her hands up to his neck as she kisses him back. His hands move to her waist, clutching her to him. And he's aware that he knows where this ends. But he can't. He pulls back from her.

"I can't" he takes her arms in his hands and stops her.

"What?" she asks him. "You don't want to?" she asks quietly.

"No, I mean I can't..." Bruce admits, she raises an eyebrow.

"You can't what?" she asks.

"Have sex" Bruce answers looking down.

"At all?" she counters stepping closer to him, he tries to keep her at arms length, because he knows he will give in to her. This woman is the love of his life, his other half, his soul mate.

"Increased heart rate, increased chance that....'he's' gonna come out" Bruce tells her looking at her feet as she stops in front of him.

"So it's not can't" she argues. "It's won't" she corrects. "And we were only kissing" she whispers dramatically, he smirks a little.

"Yes but....it always leads there with you" he strokes her cheek. "How can it not?" he asks. "Even now....I know that if we....." he sighs. "I've missed you" he admits.

"I've missed you too" she admits. "Really missed you" She whispers and steps away from him. "But you're right" she adds and looks to him. "We can't" she shakes her head and then leaves him alone, Bruce sighs and releases a shaky emotional breath. That's not what he meant.