Destroying Love

Twenty-nine

Nova is dead.

The night was short. I barely got two hours of sleep, and when I woke up, that's the first thing I was told.

Apparently, she was found dead in an alley. Murdered.

I'm not sad, but this was definitely unexpected. Especially right now, with everything going on. I almost forgot about Nova.

Right now, what is preoccupying me is Brandon. He's nowhere to be found.

I go to the cafeteria and walk by the agent who told me the news this morning.

"Hey, have you seen Agent Haynes?" I ask the young man, who blinks at me in surprise.

"Yeah... last time I saw him, he was sitting in the hallway, close to the dorms." He pauses, giving me a look. "Your dorm."

Shit.

I give the agent a nod and he returns it before walking away.

I actually feel nervous when I get closer to my room. I don't know what's Brandon's state right now, and since our relationship is kind of rocky at the moment, I don't want to give in to what he wants from me just because he doesn't feel good.

His ex-girlfriend is dead. He needs someone. Just be there for him, Sophia.

I stop in my track a few meters away. Brandon is indeed sitting there, just in front of my dorm, his eyes closed and his head leaned against the wall.

I swallow. It makes me think of myself, a few days after his death.

Getting closer, I clear my throat before kneeling down beside him.

"Hey," I say carefully, not knowing how he'll react.

Brandon slowly opens his eyes but doesn't look at me. He just stares ahead. I wouldn't say he looks sad, but he doesn't look good either. His face is just... blank of emotions.

I turn and sit next to him. My shoulder accidentally brushes his, and I feel him tense.

Good job, Sophia. Jesus.

Should I just stay silent or say sorry? Staying silent would lead us to nowhere, and saying sorry when you don't actually feel it wouldn't help either. Saying sorry doesn't mean anything, anyway. It won't bring anyone back.

I heard so many people saying sorry when Brandon supposedly died. I wanted to scream every time.

So instead, I say something else that might not be the best thing to say, but at least I'm not just walking away from him. He hasn't pushed me away, yet.

I don't know how he does that. I pushed him away so many time. I pushed everyone away when he was gone. I couldn't endure anybody.

"Maybe... maybe she's not dead," I slowly declare in a low voice, glancing at his face.

He narrows his eyes and turns his face toward mine. I don't flinch at his glare.

"Sorry," I continue calmly, "but you weren't dead. So maybe she's alive. If there's one thing I learned, after all, is that dead people aren't always dead."

When he just stares at me, I look away and bite the inside of my cheek. After a moment, I feel him sighing. It's a deep sigh as if he's relieved of something, and I feel his shoulders relaxing as he slightly turns his body towards mine.

I finally decide to say it. Sorry. Not because I feel bad for Nova's death, though.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, staring at the wall in front of us.