It All Started With a Diary

retaliation|part 4

Double update! Enjoy, lovelies! 🤍

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." —Cayla Mills
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Chapter 38|Part 4
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The curiosity broke me down as I stared down at the writing. I didn't know what type of joke he was trying to make by doing this, but I didn't find it funny.

I started on the first page, curious as to what he could have written.

'Kimberly...where should I start? Fuck it.

I wished that I could be the one to make you happy. To make you smile. I wished things could be different. But, it can't.

And, that's my fucking fault.

You really have no idea, Kimberly. You're clueless as to how much I crave to make you smile. To make you laugh, and blush your beautiful heart out. But, I can't do that.

I'm not what you want...or what you need. I'll do whatever it takes to make you see that. It, we, are not supposed to happen.

Tonight, you made me smile by all of the weird shit you did. Like the nachos, or the goofy smile you had when I asked for another one...for a minute there, I saw past the darkness. And, I liked it. I liked you. You made things...better.

That was the first time I've had a real smile in years. Exactly 2,270 days, and you were the first and only person to break that streak.

You asked me to be your...friend? For some fucking reason, you asked that of me. This only makes it harder.

I can't give you that.'

I flipped the page, heart separate from my chest.

'You cried tonight.

For once, I looked past everything, and felt your pain. Somehow, I felt your pain. I felt it more than I've ever felt my own, I think.

Did I mean to snap?

I should say no...but I refuse to lie to you. I need you out of my life before it gets worse. I did mean to snap on you.

I don't want you to get close, Kimberly. I want you to run away from whatever I have to offer. As quick as you can, get the fuck away from me, before you're unable to leave. It's too late for me.

If I couldn't keep the one good thing I've ever had, then there's no way that I can keep the best person I've ever known. You.

I refuse to let you go down with me.'

I flipped past the different pages, before I saw a certain one that withheld my attention. My hand went to my mouth as I saw the image at the bottom of the page.

It was a drawing of two people. One was flying toward the sky, a smile on her face, wings sprouted out of her back as she looked upward. The other person, a man, was trapped in a patch of overgrown grass, fire sprouting out from either side of him. A frown was on his face, his eyes cast on the flying angel.

My eyes raised to the top of the page, before I felt a tear slide down my cheek. The caption read 'the truth' I didn't want to understand what he meant by this page, but part of me was beginning to use the insight from Caylee's words.

Despite the shake of my hand, I somehow moved onto the next page.

'I want to tell you the truth, but can't you see? I can't. I fucking can't. It's your fault. It's all your fault.