It All Started With a Diary

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"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars." — Og Mandino
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Chapter 45
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My body jump-started up as Shay yelled another order out to only god knows who. Ugh.

I didn't know how long I stayed up last night, completely oblivious to the consequences that would follow. It was all cut short when Celeste had called to shout at me this morning for being late.

I squinted my eyes at the clock. "Only an hour," I huffed.

And, what a long hour it was. It was filled with constant complaints from the customers who were just trying to get a free meal, my aunt's scolding tone, and the constant question of why I wanted a job here in the first place.

I felt my face drain as I saw Celeste grab her belongings. She looked to be in a hurry, but I stopped her anyway.

"Where are you going, and can you take me with you?" I asked, my expression tired.

Her small feet marched her over to me before she patted my cheek. "I have to meet your uncle. And, no, mija, you are not allowed to attend our anniversary night."

I couldn't help but scowl at her words, even though I was more than happy for their beautiful marriage. It was quite successful, and so was their entire lifestyle.

She smirked at my expression. "Oh, don't be so jealous, baby.  Just wait until you, and your little boyfriend have a honeymoon, or two. You'll never want to stop with the lovely nights."

"Until your ovens hot with one of these," Shay called out from either side of the cash register, pointing at her round tummy.

I felt my cheeks flood with color, before I turned to my aunt. "You know what? Forget I even asked. You can leave now."

Celeste's laugh only egged my internal humiliation. I tried my hardest to shake her words off, though as always, I overthought them.

I knew that I would have to come to terms with what Kade meant to me. A friend, an acquaintance, a boyfriend. All of those labels were either judgmental, wrongful, or completely accurate. Yet, I had no idea as to which category either word belonged to.

Normal friends didn't kiss, though. They didn't hold hands. They didn't say or do the things he'd said and done yesterday.

I was beginning to see that he cared about me, just as well as I did him. And, that brought on far more emotions than I could juggle alone. I could only hope that he was willing to balance them with me.

Every time he made a nice gesture, my heart would warm to the sight, but the reluctant little pest inside of my head would disagree with his actions, and instead turn them into an entirely different party. But, then, the voice inside of my head, in which was finally synched with my heart, would push the thoughts away, and recreate the good ones.

As bad as it was, I sometimes worried if this was an act to him. If he was still stuck on his brothers death, and how I dictated the abuse of his family, just to save my own ass from my mother. It wasn't easy to let go of the past, and we both knew this as a fact. Especially something as wretched as that.

But, perhaps, we could build the future off of the present situation we were in. Maybe.

I could hope.

I could only guess that his insecurities were as bad as mine were, and that we were both in this sinking boat, one being the other's lifeguard, just as it was in a reverse notation.