You could never know me

Chapter 8: The truth in the lies

Foreword: ok I'm gonna keep writing for now, if only cause I wanna see where I'm taking this!:)

Harry let out a long shuddering breath. "I'll start off by saying that I've not been entirely straightforward about who I am. To anyone. I'm not light. Never have been. I'm not going to tell you everything. Some memories are just too painful to think about. But you want answers and if I'm going to be here, be trusted then you should know more about me than the lies you've been told." At this Harry stopped and looked up at Voldemort and Cissa, who surprisingly still had her arm around him. She was nice, he decided. He liked her. And even Voldemort wasn't being so bad. They looked at each other before turning back to him and nodding, telling him to start talking. That they were listening. So he started talking.

"How my life started was the same as anyone else's. Up until that night in Godric Hollow I was a normal wizard child. But after you had killed my parents, and then disappeared yourself, it changed. My godfather came to me first. He was going to take me away, look after me. He was determined, no matter how much he was grieving, to look after me. But then Hagrid shows up and suddenly Sirius just left. It didn't make any sense. At this point Sirius was a free man. My legal guardian. You have to know that so you understand. I shouldn't have been left there. Dumbledore shouldn't have taken me there. I was left on their doorstep with only a note. In the dark and the cold.

It was in the morning that everything really changed. Petunia, my OH so lovely aunt took me inside and instantly dumped me in the cupboard under the stairs. And that's where I lived for 10 years. In the shadows. I was never scared of monsters as a kid, because people always say monsters hide in the shadows. But that was where I lived. They made me the monster. That's what they called me. Freak, boy, monster. I didn't know my own name until I was seven. I learnt a lot when I was seven." As he said this he had remained calm, looking slightly bored, but a sad and mournful look crossed his face at that last sentence. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he carried on, not once looking at their faces.

"When I was 4, Vernon, my fat excuse of an uncle decided it was time for me to start earning my keep, for the stairs over my head and the rags on my back. So I started cooking and cleaning. I became their house elf. And every time I screwed up, which was often considering I was a toddler, he'd punish me. At first it wasn't too bad. A slap in the wrist or a push here and there. Then it got worse. He'd burn my arms when I burnt their food. Smash my head against a wall when the house wasn't cleaned to my aunt's standards. Then he started with the belt. I stopped crying after that. I refused to give him the satisfaction. This is why I hate muggles. I hate them. Because they are all the same. They can't control what they don't understand. They fear what they can't control. And they hate fear. So they will do anything to destroy it.

Things.... changed when I was seven. I don't want to go into it but things weren't so bad after that. They mostly left me alone. At least until I was 11. My accidental magic had been quite powerful so I wasn't all that surprised to discover I was magical. However, my loving family saw it as a rude awakening. And things got worse again.

Obviously you think you know all about my school years. But you really don't. In my first year. The hat wanted me in Slytherin. But I asked for Gryffindor. Not for the reason most people would think." Finally, Harry looked up, towards Voldemort. "When I found out you killed my parents I wasn't really that upset. It was war and they chose the losing side, that was on them. I was only mad that I'd been left at the Dursleys because of you. And before you say anything, even that wasn't your fault. When Hagrid took me to get my supplies I snuck away to Gringotts to discuss my accounts. That's when I discovered that I wasn't to go to the Dursleys. That my parents had specifically asks I be sent anywhere but to them. But Dumbledore had illegally sealed their wills. After this I began to hate Dumbledore. I went to Gryffindor because it was what people expected of me. People would see me as their little saviour, and wouldn't be watching with so much suspicion as they would if I'd been in Slytherin. That was the only reason. I had considered joining you in first year, but I didn't hate Dumbledore so much back then, and you seemed insane. So I fought back.

Second year was probably my best year at Hogwarts. I'd discovered the chamber of secrets and finally had somewhere to read, learn and practice the dark arts. I'd decided to hide my full capabilities when I came to Hogwarts. I though it would be easier if everyone underestimated me. I knew something was going wrong when Shannara the basilisk started disappearing. And then the messages on the wall. I had to stop it, because I couldn't let Hogwarts close. I had no where else to go. When I spoke to your Diary I realised what it was. A horcrux."

The Boy knew about his horcruxes! He must kill hi.... oh right he couldn't. Voldemort peered suspiciously at Harry, worried more than he showed. What shocked him was that the boy could still tell. "Don't worry, I won't do anything. Actually you might thank me later, when I get to it." Voldemort was confused but still scoffed at the idea of thanking Harry Potter. Surprisingly at this, the boy grinned.

Narcissa was surprised by all of this, and worried beyond belief for this poor boy. She wanted answers. But first..... "Harry dear when was the last time you ate? Let's get you some food and a nice hot chocolate before we continue this conversation, hmm?" Sweet little Harry honestly looked shock at the offer, before giving a beautiful smile and nodding. Once the house elf deliver the food and they had settled in, Her Lord gestured for Harry to continue.

Harry looked down at the food in front of him, trying to get his thoughts together. "3rd year, as far as everyone else is concerned, was the easiest year. But that year is when I started to realise that Dumbledore didn't just make a mistake leaving me at the Dursleys. He was supreme mugwump but Sirius didn't even get a trial. All so Dumbledore could have me broken and malleable. His perfect little weapon. Did you know I'm quite good at legilimency? Well Blacks mind was an open book, and I found out there was a prophecy about you and I, Voldemort. And before you ask, no I don't know what it says." Harry was struggling to hide his laughter at Tom's pout. It was strange seeing the Dark Lord acting so.....human. "Anyway during the year, Remus Lupin, the DADA professor was following me, trying to get to know me, apparently. But with his werewolf sense I knew he'd find out my little secrets straight away. For one, I reek of dark magic. So I spent most of the year hiding that from him. Obviously you know about 4th year. Apart from your stressful addition it was fairly uneventful. But 5th year is when things got really bad.