complications ↠ hemmings

Chapter 27

Raven

There's a brief moment when you first wake up, where you have no memories, a blissful blank state, a happy emptiness. 

That has been my favorite part of every day ever since the night I came back to London.

Sometimes I even fall asleep more than once a day just to be able to feel that brief moment of nothingness again. Sometimes I fall asleep a lot during the day - because it's like being dead without the commitment. 

It's only been eight days since Luke and I broke up. Eight days of endless crying and sobbing into my pillows, very little eating, and listening to the saddest music on my phone. 

The only thing I use my phone for now is music. I can't bear to look at my texts or voicemails. I know they'll just end up making me feel even worse.

I hate this feeling inside of me that makes me feel like I'm missing something, that I need something here with me. But I know that something is Luke - and I need to be able to replace that piece that I had given to him.

Kate had told me something the last time I saw her after I explained everything that happened with me and Luke. She told me 'If someone cheats on you, they do not love you or respect you'. She told me to repeat that to myself every time I felt like talking to Luke.

Huddled up on my bed, three blankets covering me, I shovel handfuls of popcorn into my mouth as I scroll through Netflix. I decide on the romance catergory and start scanning through the movies. I pick a classic movie - 50 First Dates - and begin to watch it.

A light knock sounds on my door and pulls my attention away from my laptop screen. My door opens a crack and my mom pops her head in.

"Honey, there's someone here to see you." She lightly says, a pained expression written on her face.

"Who?" I say, and my question is quickly answered when the tall figure steps into my room, in front of my mom.

"What are you doing here?" I say and begin to cover my face with the blankets. I haven't showered in at least three days or brushed my teeth for that matter.

"I just came to talk to you while we have some time off." Calum says and sits on the edge of my bed. My mom takes that as her que to leave, and she does, closing the door on her way out.

"You know I can't do this, Calum. I can't be around him. Or you. Or any of the boys, or anyone that reminds me of him!" I shout the last part making Calum jump slightly.

He doesn't move him his spot on the edge of my bed. He rubs his temples in silence before looking at me. He smiles slightly and then the smile quickly fades. "Remember when Luke brought you backstage?" 

I cringe a little at the use of his name. "Yeah." I quietly say while looking at Calum.

"Well, you truly looked happy, in that moment. That's how I want to remember you. Happy." He smiles at me, and I manage to give him a small smile back. "So, please don't make me leave here thinking of you being sad." He scoots over closer to me, and wraps his large arm around my shoulders.